Many of my clients in recovery from eating disorders struggle with “black and white thinking.”

If you are struggling with this you are definitely not alone. 
 
Here are some common examples of eating disorder thoughts that are also “black and white,” or “all or nothing thinking.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I didn’t exercise today and I ate a cookie. I’m going to the other extreme and becoming an unhealthy person.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I ate a donut today, which is one of my number one fear food. I can’t possibly be that sick anymore.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I just ate a brownie, so I’ve already failed at my diet for today. Might as well go finish off the rest of them and then I’ll be good tomorrow.”
 
The Function of Black and White Thinking
 
Black and white thinking provides a (false) sense of certainty and “control.” It simplifies life into deceptively neat little boxes where things become either “all good” or “all bad.”
 
However, the reality is that recovery and life are lived in the grey zone. Both are messy (rather than neat little boxes), and filled with a variety of different shades.
 
The problem is that when we stay stuck in black and white thinking, we miss out on an assortment of possibilities.
 
Black and white thinking actually narrows our focus and if you struggle with an eating disorder, can make your world increasingly small.
 
Challenging Black and White Thinking
 
It’s important to note that your eating disorder will say anything in order to keep itself alive. However, just because you have a thought does not mean that it is true.
 
The following concept comes from Carolyn Costin, a therapist and the founder of Monte Nido. Essentially, it’s about responding to your eating disorder thoughts from your “healthy” or “true self” in the moment.
 
It can sometimes be helpful to write the thoughts out and to make sure that you are ending the dialogue on “the healthy self.”

Some Examples
 
Eating Disorder Self; “I didn’t exercise today and I ate a cookie. I’m going to the other extreme and becoming an unhealthy person.”
 
Healthy Self: Not exercising for a day and eating a cookie are both normal and healthy things to do. Your body deserves to rest and you deserve to eat food that you enjoy. Neither of these things will make you “unhealthy.”
 
 
Eating Disorder Self: “I ate a donut today, which is one of my number one fear food. I can’t possibly be that sick anymore.”
 
Healthy Self: It’s awesome that you challenged yourself! However, just because you had a great day in recovery-doesn’t mean that you are suddenly “fine.”
 
 
Eating Disorder Self: “I just ate a brownie, so I’ve already failed at my diet for today. Might as well go finish off the rest of them and then I’ll be good tomorrow.”
 
Healthy Self: All foods can fit into a healthy diet. You didn’t “fail” by eating a brownie. Try to tune into what you actually want right now, rather than simply listening to what you’re eating disorder is telling you to do.


If you are struggling to come up with “healthy self” thoughts, it can be helpful to think about what you’d tell a loved one (or even a child) who said something similar. It's unlikely that you would say some of the cruel and punishing things that you say to yourself, to someone that you love.
 
It Takes Practice
 
If your automatic default setting is one of “black and white thinking,” it’s important to be patient with yourself in this process.
 
It’s just like learning any other skill. You wouldn’t sit down at the piano and expect to be able to play it right away, so try to be compassionate with yourself that it may take some time to learn more helpful thinking patterns.
 
However, with time and practice you can actually rewire the neural pathways in your brain, until eventually your new “automatic default setting" is healthier and more helpful thinking patterns.
 
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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com ​

In my work as a therapist with people struggling with eating disorders, some describe their eating disorder as feeling like “a friend.” To those who don’t struggle with eating disorders, this might seem confusing.
​
However, often to the person who is struggling, their eating disorder may feel like a source of  "companionship,” “comfort,” “something that makes me feel special,” and “that is always there for me.”

Your eating disorder has served some purpose for you, or you wouldn’t engage in the behaviors.

However, it’s important to note that eating disorders often provide short-term feelings of “comfort,” and “anxiety-relief,” with long-term feelings of isolation, depression, and misery.

Your Eating Disorder Is Like a Toxic Friendship

The reality is that your eating disorder is like an incredibly toxic friendship. Your eating disorder threatens that if you decide to leave, your life will be in shambles.

Your eating disorder tells you that you will be unhappy without it.

Your eating disorder promises you comfort, connection, and specialness and it may give you those feelings in the short-term.

However, in the long-term, it only serves to make you more isolated, lonely, disconnected, and isolated from the people that you care about. An eating disorder often starts to become your primary relationship and your other relationships may start to suffer.

Eating disorders may promise to make you feel “special” and “unique.” However, the reality is that the deeper you are into an eating disorder, the more you become a carbon copy of everyone else who is struggling with an eating disorder.

An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and replaces it with an illness.

I posted something on Instagram which helps to explain why eating disorders are like toxic (or even abusive) friendships, it said:

Your enjoyment of family dinners

Your sense of humor

Your ability to feel happy

Your friendships

Your passions

Your fertility

Your health

You strong bones

Your shiny hair

Your confidence

Your freedom

Your life

What will your eating disorder take from you if you continue to stay sick?

Eating disorders are not a choice. But you can choose to take the first step towards recovery, today.

If You Are Afraid To Let Go Of Your Eating Disorder

If you are afraid of letting go of your eating disorder and starting to take steps towards recovery, I’d ask you to make a list of what your life could look like 5 years from now if you stay sick, vs. 5 years from now if you recovered.

The reality is that you can always go back to your eating disorder. But what if you tried something different this time? You know how to have an eating disorder, but what if you gave recovery a try? You will not regret it.

Have you ever been in a toxic friendship, and when the friendship finally ended you felt free?

This is ultimately how you will feel when you recover. Your life will no longer be dictated and controlled by this eating disorder yelling in your head.

​You will be able to explore your true passions, build and strengthen relationships, and feel a sense of freedom and peace.


The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com