How To Change Your Relationship To Anxiety in Eating Disorder Recovery

By Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

​As an eating disorder therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, Maryland, I am passionate about the topic of how to change your relationship to anxiety in eating disorder recovery

How eating disorders and anxiety are linked

When we feel anxious, there is a tendency to do things to try to bring the anxiety down. For instance, when struggling with an eating disorder, you may engage in eating disorder behaviors — whether it’s binging, purging, restricting and/or compulsive exercise — in an attempt to lower your anxiety. Doing this may feel like it's helping you in the moment. However, in the long term, it doesn't solve anything. It leads to feeling more trapped by an eating disorder and, therefore, feeling miserable.

It’s important to note that eating disorders are mental illnesses and NOT choices. Still, part of healing from an eating disorder can include looking at the underlying functions of the eating disorder and finding more value-aligned ways to cope.

For some, one of the primary triggers for eating disorder behaviors may be feelings of stress or anxiety. Their eating disorder triggers might include anxiety about weight gain or body appearance, anxiety around specific foods or portions of food, or feelings of general anxiety. 

Anxiety is like a false fire alarm

Before we bought our home, my husband and I lived in an apartment building. When we lived there, the fire alarm went off frequently, even though there was never an actual fire. People partying in the nearby restaurants often pulled the fire alarm late at night. They did this to the point that, eventually, when the alarm sounded, most of the residents in our building began to shrug and question if it was even worth leaving their rooms for. 

I share this example because if you have an eating disorder, anxiety and/or OCD you might have an overactive alarm going off, too. Your brain is sending you those same 'escape, danger, now!!' signals frequently around things that aren't dangerous, like the fire alarm going off in my building at times when the building was safe.  

The feelings and thoughts may feel incredibly scary and anxiety-provoking AND we have to remember that they are not facts.

Your power is in working on how you respond to these unhelpful thoughts.

You do not need to respond to false fire alarm signals by engaging in safety behaviors to reduce anxiety — i.e., using eating disorder behaviors, OCD compulsions, or general avoidance behaviors in an anxiety disorder. Although, I know it can take time and practice to unlearn turning towards these familiar behaviors.

What if there was another way to cope with feelings of stress and anxiety?

Changing your relationship to anxiety can be powerful. When we are not afraid of our anxiety and when we learn how to act even when we are scared — i.e., when the anxiety no longer controls our behaviors — the anxiety’s impact can lessen over time. 

Additionally, the more we expose ourselves to the things we are afraid of that are not dangerous, without engaging in compulsions, the more we teach our brains that they do not have to send a fear response to us in safe situations.

Let me give an example from my own recovery. In my eating disorder at times, I was terrified of fried foods and avoided them at all costs. However, once I worked on changing my relationship to my anxiety by practicing DBT skills (such as opposite actions and exposing myself to the thing I was afraid of) without compensating or using compulsive behaviors, I was able to learn over time that fried foods are not something I need to fear. In fact, lately, chicken wings have become one of my favorite things to eat. 

Ways to change your relationship to anxiety

Changing your relationship to anxiety takes work and ideally the help of a skilled therapist, but taking recovery steps even when we feel afraid (without compensating!) can really lessen or eliminate the fear over time.

Also, it’s important to note that typically anxiety will come down on its own after we are able to sit with it and change the way that we relate to our experience of anxiety.

In addition to approaching the things that invoke fear in recovery, it’s important to look at the way that we cognitively respond to our physical sensations of anxiety.

For instance, when you notice your anxiety has gone up, do you tell yourself, “I’m losing control. I need to do something to bring it down now?" Or are you able to say, “This feels uncomfortable, even painful at times. And it’s not dangerous. I can feel anxious and continue about my day?"

Desensitizing yourself to the physical experience of anxiety and looking at what you tell yourself in response to the anxiety is so important when it comes to changing your relationship to it.

It’s also helpful to recognize the part of you that is anxious and what its function might be. If we can get curious about this anxious part of you and start to understand it as a caring part trying to protect you and keep you safe, then we can send compassion to it. At the same time, it's helpful to recognize its overall impact on your life. While the intentions of this part of you may be good, the resulting actions and ruminative thinking that it often leads to are unhelpful. There may be more effective ways to meet your needs, which you can explore. By fully understanding and honoring the scared part of yourself, you may find that it's more willing to step aside. 

The bottom line: you can change your relationship to anxiety

It is possible to change your relationship to anxiety while recovering from an eating disorder. By examining the things you say to yourself and by approaching things that you feel afraid of (that are actually safe) without engaging in compulsions, you can begin to have a different relationship with anxiety. Of course, these are just a few tips, and there’s so much to unpack and work on when it comes to eating disorder recovery and changing your relationship to anxiety. 

​If you are struggling with an eating disorder and anxiety, a therapist on my team would love to work with you! ​

Click here to schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation with an eating disorder therapist.

The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com