How to Cope With Grief While in Eating Disorder Recovery

By: Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

Grief can be a tough emotional response to process for anyone. However, for some people struggling with eating disorders, expressing emotions without turning towards eating disorder behaviors can be challenging.

Additionally, when you are grieving, feeling overwhelmed, or anxious, this can impact appetite which can make recovery harder.

There may be a desire for those with eating disorders to ‘numb out’ from the pain that you are experiencing by turning towards (i.e. binging) or away from food (i.e. restricting). However, of course it’s important to note that eating disorders are mental illnesses, NOT choices.

Additionally, it’s crucial to share here that all forms of grief are valid and deserve to be processed and expressed.

As an eating disorder therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center, based in Rockville, Maryland but serving clients in MD, DC, VA, PA, FL, NY & CA, the following are some thoughts around coping with emotional experiences (including grief) while in eating disorder recovery.

Even if Your Appetite Is Gone Due to Grief, You Still Need to Eat

While I know it’s SO hard, even if your appetite is gone due to feelings of grief, overwhelm and/or anxiety, it’s so important to try to eat anyway. Of course it’s different for everyone and talk to your treatment team, however, often things that are often easier to eat with no appetite include soup, smoothies, milkshakes, ice cream, brownies, etc. So try to brainstorm with your treatment team or loved ones about what options might be easier for you to eat right now.

It’s so important to let yourself go through the grieving process AND it can be hard to do so with a malnourished brain. Also you deserve to be kind and compassionate to yourself. 

Grief and Self-Compassion

Apologizing to others for crying or beating yourself up for experiencing feelings of grief is not helpful and will likely only serve to make you feel even worse.

Instead, try to practice some self-compassion and talk kindly to yourself like how you would talk to a small child or your best friend. You can also practice softening and allowing yourself to physically and emotionally experience the feelings of grief without trying to run from them.

Grief can be difficult to experience and you deserve to be kind to yourself.

Emotional Avoidance and Eating Disorders

Emotional avoidance refers to efforts people make to evade uncomfortable feelings like fear, anger, or sadness. These actions often serve as an attempt to avoid processing emotions or situations that feel overwhelming.

For many individuals with eating disorders, turning to disordered eating behaviors can feel like a way to self-soothe or cope. For example, someone with anorexia might cope with feelings of anxiety, grief, or sadness by restricting food intake, creating a (false) sense of ‘control’ or to try to “numb out.’ 

Those with bulimia might binge and purge to achieve temporary comfort, “control,” or relief, while for others struggling with binge eating, food may feel like an escape or a source of calm during distressing or painful moments.

While these behaviors might seem to offer temporary relief, they typically lead to prolonged feelings of depression, isolation, and unhappiness.

Learning to Let Yourself Feel

In eating disorder treatment, a central focus is equipping clients with the skills to reconnect with their feelings and manage emotions in a way that aligns with their personal values. Instead of suppressing emotions, we teach clients to recognize and process them.

I often tell clients that pushing emotions down is like trying to keep a beach ball underwater—it requires constant effort and will inevitably resurface. Our society sometimes discourages open emotional expression, which can leave people feeling like they have few tools to cope. It’s essential to help clients understand that their eating disorder behaviors have served as resilient survival strategies, helping them endure difficult experiences. However, these same strategies may now be preventing them from moving forward.

With support and treatment, people with eating disorders can rebuild their relationships with food, their bodies, and their sense of self. They can learn how to experience emotions openly, without feeling the need to push them away. Part of a fulfilling life includes being able to embrace all emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant.

One of the most rewarding parts of this work is witnessing clients as they rediscover their passions, their interests, and their joy. Full recovery and a life centered around one’s true values is possible.

While letting yourself experience grief may feel uncomfortable and hard, it’s important to remember that no matter what we do we cannot bypass the grieving process in the long-run. Additionally, discomfort and things being hard is often the case when it comes to growth. If you can expand and grow your ability to cope emotionally, it will only serve to benefit you in the long-run.

Schedule a free 15 minute consult for eating disorder therapy in MD, VA, DC, NY, FL, PA, or recovery coaching worldwide.​​
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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com