On Obsessive Worry And Suffering Twice

By: Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

I spent years in my early 20s obsessively worrying around the thought, “what if I never get married or have kids?” This thought caused me so much anxiety and pain.

After breakups with boyfriends, I remember sobbing in my therapist’s office saying, “but what if I never meet someone and have kids?” My therapist would try to reassure me: “Why wouldn’t someone want to marry you? It will happen.” For a moment, that reassurance felt comforting. But the relief never lasted. Soon enough, I was right back to the obsessive doubt and spinning anxious thoughts.

There was also a period of time where I was single for a few years. I remember sitting with my parents and saying, “I’m never going to get married.” The fear felt so real, and I couldn’t seem to turn it off. 

I share this personal example because I know so many people who struggle with eating disorders, OCD, and anxiety can relate to this cycle. Obsessive worry latches on to the things we care about most. It often presents as “what if” thoughts--what if my relationship falls apart? What if I don’t really love my partner? What if I touch that doorknob and get sick? What if I forgot to lock the door and someone breaks in? What if I gain weight and I can’t handle it?” The thoughts feel urgent, and yet no amount of reassurance ever seems to quiet them for long.


What Eventually Happened

Fast forward many years later, and today I’m happily married with two wonderful little kids. Recently, I was reflecting on how I wasted so much time and energy worrying about something that never ended up happening. This isn’t about judging my younger self—at the time, I simply didn’t have the tools to deal with obsessive doubt, and my therapist didn’t fully understand the anxiety cycle. I was doing the best I could with what I knew then.

But here’s the thing: not everything I worried about turned out to be false. Some of my feared outcomes did happen. For instance, in recovery from my eating disorder, I did gain weight, something my eating disorder told me would be catastrophic. And yet, my life today is so much better, fuller, and freer as a result of recovery. The very thing I was terrified of became the doorway to the life I have now. Letting go of trying to control food and my weight-helped me to get to freedom. 

When I was caught in an eating disorder doing everything to ‘try to avoid’ this outcome that I feared-it made my life incredibly small and miserable. 


Why Obsessive Worry Makes Us Suffer Twice

When we spend so much time worrying, we suffer twice—whether or not the feared outcome happens.
Going back to my personal example: let’s imagine I had ended up single and without children. That would have been a painful loss for me, something to grieve. But in addition to that grief, I also would have piled on years of unnecessary suffering in advance by obsessively worrying about it.


The Reality of Coping

It’s not effective to repeatedly try to “cope with something” in imagination. Coping is something you do when (or if) a situation actually happens—not something you can successfully do in advance.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plan or prepare when it’s helpful. But there’s a big difference between intentional planning and compulsive rumination. Rumination promises you a sense of control, but really it just keeps you stuck in anxiety.

So you have to ask yourself: what’s the cost of engaging in these cycles? The cost in terms of time, energy, impact on relationships, and toll on your mental health. The cost far outweighs any imagined “benefit” of rehearsing feared outcomes.


Understanding the Anxious Part of You

The anxious part of you often acts like an overprotective friend. It thinks it’s keeping you safe by anticipating every possible threat. But in reality, it’s usually making you miserable and keeping you stuck.

When you can start to notice this part with curiosity--“Oh, there’s my anxious protector again, trying to keep me from being hurt”—you create space to respond differently. You don’t have to buy into every “what if” it offers you. You can thank it for its efforts, while also using therapeutic tools to live in the present moment rather than in endless cycles of imagined suffering.


Get Help

At The Eating Disorder Center, we specialize in helping people who are struggling with eating disorders, OCD, and anxiety find freedom from these exhausting cycles. Our team of compassionate, highly trained therapists understands how painful obsessive worry can be—and how difficult it is to break free without the right tools. We work with teens, adults, and families to offer evidence-based treatment and support, helping people move toward lives that feel meaningful, peaceful, and connected.

You don’t have to continue to struggle alone. Recovery and relief are possible.

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.
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🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
🌍 Offering recovery coaching worldwide

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Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C (she/her), is an award-winning eating disorder therapist and the founder of The Eating Disorder Center, a specialized therapy practice for eating disorders and body image concerns. Jennifer uses ACT, CBT, and DBT to help clients find freedom from eating disorders and body image struggles.  Jennifer is recognized as a leading eating disorder expert and was named one of the top professionals in the field by a premier treatment center. She is the recipient of the Best of Bethesda Award for Best Individual Therapist (2025) and the Best of Rockville Award (2020–2024). She helps clients to live full, meaningful lives, beyond food and body image concerns. ​

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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com