Rebuilding Connection: Navigating Relationships and Intimacy During Eating Disorder Recovery

By: Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C
Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

Relationships in Recovery

​Eating disorders are deeply isolating illnesses. When someone is entrenched in disordered eating, the eating disorder often becomes the loudest voice and the most consuming relationship in their life. It demands time, attention and secrecy often at the expense of friendships, romantic partnerships, and emotional closeness. Over time, this isolation can start to feel normal, even protective.

As recovery begins, something powerful happens: mental space opens up. With fewer thoughts consumed by food, body image, and rules, there is more room to notice relationships, longings for connection, and the complexities of intimacy. While this can be a hopeful shift, it can also bring up challenges that feel confusing or overwhelming. Relationship struggles in recovery are common, though they look different for everyone.

Below are several relational themes that many people encounter while healing from an eating disorder. These experiences are not universal, but they are valid and worthy of compassion.

​Feeling Like a Burden to Your Partner

One common belief that clients express in recovery is the fear of being “too much” for their partner. This can show up as guilt about needing support, shame around symptoms, or worries that a partner would be better off without them. Some people describe feeling like they come with “baggage” that makes them unlovable.

Here’s an important reframe: struggling with an eating disorder is not a personal failure or a character flaw. Just as someone does not choose to develop a medical illness, no one chooses to have an eating disorder. 

Healthy relationships involve mutual care. Supporting someone through hard seasons is part of meaningful connection. A partner who is right for you will not see your struggles as a burden. They may feel frustrated at times—at the illness, not at you—but that does not negate their care or commitment.

People with eating disorders are often incredibly resilient, insightful, empathetic, and determined. These qualities exist independently of the disorder and are just as much a part of what you bring into a relationship.

​Body Image and Physical Intimacy

Negative body image can significantly impact intimacy, yet this topic is rarely discussed openly. Feeling uncomfortable in your body may make it difficult to undress in front of a partner, tolerate physical touch, or engage in sexual activity. Some people avoid intimacy altogether out of fear, shame, or self-criticism.

If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone and nothing is “wrong” with you. These reactions make sense in a culture that constantly critiques bodies and in the context of an eating disorder that thrives on body surveillance.

An important first step is naming the struggle. Talking with a therapist, partner, or trusted support person about how body image affects intimacy can help reduce secrecy and shame. Bringing these fears into the open often softens their intensity.

Another helpful tool is creating a gradual exposure hierarchy. This might include steps such as sitting close to your partner while fully clothed, changing clothes in the same room, or having physical intimacy with low-pressure boundaries. Working through these steps slowly, with emotional support, allows your nervous system to learn safety over time.

The issue is not your body, it’s the meaning and stories attached to it. Therapy can help challenge these narratives and replace them with more compassionate, realistic perspectives.

Trauma, Safety, and Intimacy

Many individuals with eating disorders also have histories of trauma. For trauma survivors, intimacy can trigger anxiety, dissociation, panic, or shame, even with a loving and safe partner. These responses are not a reflection of desire or care; they are survival responses rooted in the nervous system.

Trauma-informed therapy approaches such as EMDR therapy or Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT), can be transformative. These therapies help build coping skills like grounding and emotional regulation, while also gently addressing trauma memories and triggers.

Healing does not require jumping into situations that feel overwhelming. Progress may start with simply talking about intimacy in therapy, sitting close to a partner, or sharing boundaries. Step-by-step exposure allows safety and trust to develop organically.

If you struggle in this area, it does not mean you are broken. Healing your relationship with intimacy is absolutely possible.

Eating With a Partner or While Dating

​Eating disorders often intensify around social situations, especially those involving food. Dating, shared meals, and eating out can feel threatening because they involve spontaneity, flexibility, and less control.

While avoidance may feel safer in the short term, it also reinforces the eating disorder’s power. Recovery asks for gentle challenges, not unsafe ones, but ones that stretch your comfort zone.

Try reframing meals with others as acts of resistance against the disorder. Each time you eat with someone, order something without calculating, or allow flexibility, you weaken the eating disorder’s grip.

It will feel uncomfortable at first. That does not mean you’re doing it wrong. Over time, these moments can become sources of connection, pleasure, and freedom.

Choosing Connection Over the Disorder

​Recovery is not just about food, it’s about reclaiming your life. Relationships, intimacy, laughter, and shared experiences are often what people miss most when they look back on their eating disorder.

Each step toward connection is a step away from isolation. With support, patience, and compassion, it is possible to build relationships that feel nourishing, safe, and deeply meaningful.

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.

🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
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Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C (she/her), is an award-winning eating disorder therapist and the founder of The Eating Disorder Center, a specialized therapy practice for eating disorders and body image concerns. Jennifer uses ACT, CBT, and DBT to help clients find freedom from eating disorders and body image struggles.  Jennifer is recognized as a leading eating disorder expert and was named one of the top professionals in the field by a premier treatment center. She is the recipient of the Best of Bethesda Award for Best Individual Therapist (2025) and the Best of Rockville Award (2020–2024). She helps clients to live full, meaningful lives, beyond food and body image concerns.

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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com