Rethinking "Normal" Eating: A Therapist’s Perspective on Food, Healing, and Intuition

By: Megan Samuels, MSW, LCSW-C, Eating Disorder and Trauma Therapist

As an eating disorder therapist, one of the most common questions I hear is, “What is normal eating?” It’s an understandable curiosity. In a culture saturated with dieting messages, wellness trends, and pressure to meet certain body standards, many people wonder whether their eating habits are “normal.”

But I put “normal” in quotes for a reason—because I don’t actually believe such a universal standard exists.


Why “Normal Eating” Doesn’t Have One Definition

Eating is deeply personal. Our relationships with food are shaped by countless factors: upbringing, culture, mental health, trauma history, medical conditions, and even day-to-day emotional states. Because every person’s lived experience is unique, there is no single definition of normal eating.

Instead of aiming for a one-size-fits-all standard, I encourage clients to identify their own goals for food, body image, and healing. From there, we explore sustainable, compassionate steps toward those goals—always acknowledging that recovery is a journey rather than a destination.


How Diet Culture Distorts Our Sense of “Normal”

Diet culture complicates the idea of normal eating even further. Restrictive behaviors, food guilt, and rigid eating rules are often praised socially—even though they’re harmful.

If these disordered behaviors are part of what society calls “normal,” then perhaps “normal” isn’t something we need to strive for at all.


Intuitive Eating: A More Flexible Alternative

Many people in eating disorder recovery find the concept of intuitive eating more helpful than striving for normal eating. Developed by dietitians Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, intuitive eating includes ten core principles designed to help people:

• Reject diet culture
• Rebuild trust in hunger and fullness cues
• Reduce food guilt
• Develop a more peaceful relationship with food

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Intuitive eating isn’t a rigid program—it’s a flexible framework. And while it can be transformative, it isn’t the perfect approach for everyone, including some neurodivergent individuals. That’s why eating disorder treatment should always be individualized.


We’re Born Intuitive Eaters—Until Life Interferes

One of the core ideas behind intuitive eating is that we are all born with natural attunement to our bodies. Babies eat when they’re hungry and stop when they’re full. They don’t worry about calories or macronutrients or whether a food is “good” or “bad.”

Over time, external influences—family dynamics, cultural messaging, trauma, attachment wounds, chronic illness, and mental health challenges—can disrupt that natural intuition. When these disruptions are significant or prolonged, they can lead to disordered eating or full eating disorders.


What Children Can Teach Us About Eating

When I work with clients on rebuilding trust with their bodies, I often encourage them to observe young children. A toddler may ask for food one minute and push the plate away after a few bites the next. Children trust their internal cues. They eat for connection, sensory pleasure, and curiosity—not for control.


Why “Eat When You’re Hungry, Stop When You’re Full” Isn’t Enough

Many clients say, “If I want to recover, I should just eat when I’m hungry and stop when I’m full—just like a child.”

While that’s a lovely idea, it oversimplifies the reality of eating disorder recovery. Years of restriction, emotional suppression, trauma, or chronic dieting can make hunger and fullness cues feel distant or unreliable. Reconnecting with those cues takes time, patience, and support.


Healing Isn’t Linear or Controlled

A quote from Hillary L. McBride’s Holy Hurt beautifully captures this truth:

“We can’t heal from control by controlling what healing looks like" (McBride, 2021, p. 175).

Recovery is not linear. It’s often messy, nonlinear, and unpredictable. When clients attempt to follow intuitive eating like a set of strict rules, it can ironically become another form of control—another diet in disguise. True healing requires flexibility and a willingness to tolerate uncertainty.


Food Is More Than Fuel: It’s Connection and Comfort

Food is not just nourishment. It’s community, culture, ritual, and comfort. We meet friends for coffee, celebrate birthdays with cake, and gather as families around shared meals.

Sometimes food is also emotional support. Turning to a familiar meal or childhood snack when you’re overwhelmed isn’t a failure—it’s a valid and human way to self-soothe. Emotional eating only becomes harmful when it’s the only coping tool available.


So What Is Normal Eating?

Maybe “normal” eating is more flexible than we’ve been taught.

Maybe it’s:

• Eating when you’re hungry and sometimes when you’re not
• Stopping when you’re full and sometimes eating a little more because it brings joy
• Nourishing your body and also embracing food as connection and pleasure

Normal eating isn’t rigid. It’s responsive, intuitive, and shaped by your life—not by rules.


Your Relationship With Food Is Allowed to Evolve

There’s no single roadmap to healing your relationship with food. Intuitive eating can be a helpful tool, but recovery is far more than following principles. It’s about curiosity, compassion, and flexibility.

Returning to McBride’s quote: if we try to tightly control the recovery process, we miss the point. Letting go of control allows space for growth. It creates room for experimentation, self-trust, and gradual reconnection with your body.

Healing doesn’t mean eating perfectly.

Healing means finding peace in imperfection—and gentleness in the journey.​

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Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.
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🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com


​​References:
McBride, H. L. (2021). Holy hurt: A guide to healing from spiritual trauma. Broadleaf Books.
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Tribole, E., & Resch, E. (2020). Intuitive eating: A revolutionary anti-diet approach (4th ed.). St. Martin’s Essentials.