When an Eating Disorder Becomes Part of Your Identity

By: Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C, Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

She knows the eating disorder is hurting her.

It takes up her thoughts. It shapes her days. It affects her relationships and her sense of self. And yet, the idea of letting it go feels terrifying.

For many people, an eating disorder is not just a set of behaviors. It becomes a way of coping. A way of surviving. A way of communicating pain when words feel unavailable or unsafe.

At The Eating Disorder Center, we work with adults throughout Maryland and Virginia, including Bethesda, Potomac, Chevy Chase, Rockville, Gaithersburg, Arlington, McLean, and Alexandria, who struggle with this exact fear.


Eating Disorders Are Not Choices

One of the most painful myths about eating disorders is the belief that people choose them.

Eating disorders are not choices. No one wakes up and decides to develop an illness that causes distress, shame, fear, and isolation. Eating disorders are serious mental health conditions that often develop in response to emotional pain, trauma, chronic stress, or a need for (a false sense of) control in an overwhelming world. Additionally, there can be an underlying genetic predisposition for some. 

Many people with eating disorders are trying to cope the best way they know how. 

Understanding this can be an important step toward self compassion and healing.


The Eating Disorder as a “Warm Blanket”

I often tell clients that an eating disorder can feel like a warm blanket.

At first, it offers comfort. It numbs pain. It provides a sense of safety, predictability, or control. When emotions feel too big or life feels overwhelming, the eating disorder wraps itself around you and promises relief.

But as the weather changes and it becomes warm, that same blanket begins to feel suffocating. You are overheating. You cannot breathe. And yet, you feel unable to take it off.

Over time, what once felt soothing becomes constricting. The eating disorder demands more rules, more rigidity, more sacrifice. And still, the thought of letting go can feel terrifying, even when you know it is hurting you.

This is one of the reasons letting go can feel hard.


When the Eating Disorder Becomes Who You Are

Eating disorders often begin as a way to survive something painful. Over time, they can become deeply intertwined with identity.

You may think:

• If I let this go, who am I without it?
• This is the only way I know how to cope.
• My pain will not be taken seriously without it.
• I am afraid of what I will feel if I stop.

When an eating disorder has been present for a long time, it can feel familiar and oddly comforting, even when it is causing harm. It can become something you organize your life around. Something that gives structure, purpose, or a (false!) sense of control.

Letting go can feel like losing a part of yourself.


Communicating Pain Through Eating Disorder Behaviors

For many people, eating disorder behaviors become a way to express pain they do not know how to put into words.

Restriction, bingeing, purging, or overexercising can communicate distress when asking for help feels unsafe or impossible. 

The eating disorder becomes a signal. It says something is wrong. It says I am hurting. It says I need care.

This simply means that you found a way to survive when other ways did not feel available.


Letting Go of The Eating Disorder Identity Can Feel Scary At First 

Recovery is often described as gaining freedom. While that can be true, it can also involve grief.

You may grieve:

• The identity built around the eating disorder
• The (false!) sense of control it once provided
• The way it protected you from overwhelming emotions
• The (false!) sense of certainty it offered in an uncertain world

These losses are real. Acknowledging them does not mean you are doing recovery wrong.


Learning New Ways to Cope and Be Seen

Recovery does not mean that pain disappears. It means learning how to experience emotions without needing to translate them into symptoms.

In eating disorder therapy, we often focus on:

• Understanding what the eating disorder has been doing for you
• Developing language for emotions and needs
• Learning how to ask for support directly
• Finding safer ways to cope with distress
• Building an identity that feels fuller and more authentic

For many adults, this work is not about fixing something broken. It is about finally being supported in ways that were missing before.


You Are Allowed to Ask for Help

Many people delay seeking eating disorder therapy because they feel ashamed, unsure, or afraid of giving up something familiar.

You do not need to feel ready. You do not need to be certain. You do not need to be at rock bottom.

If part of you knows that the eating disorder is feeling painful and exhausting, that part deserves attention.

Eating disorder therapy offers a space where your pain is taken seriously without needing to suffer more to prove it. Where you can learn to communicate what is happening inside without harming yourself to be understood.


Recovery Is Possible

I have worked with many adults who once believed they could not survive without their eating disorder. With support, they learned to communicate their emotions, tolerate discomfort, and build full and meaningful lives that no longer revolve around symptoms.

If you are in Maryland, Virginia, Washington, D.C., Pennsylvania, Florida-or elsewhere in the world as we also offer eating disorder recovery coaching and struggling with an eating disorder or questioning your relationship with food, you do not have to do this alone.
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Help is available. And recovery is possible for you too.

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.

🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
🌍 Offering recovery coaching worldwide

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Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C (she/her), is an award-winning eating disorder therapist and the founder of The Eating Disorder Center, a specialized therapy practice for eating disorders and body image concerns. Jennifer uses ACT, CBT, and DBT to help clients find freedom from eating disorders and body image struggles.  Jennifer is recognized as a leading eating disorder expert and was named one of the top professionals in the field by a premier treatment center. She is the recipient of the Best of Bethesda Award for Best Individual Therapist (2025) and the Best of Rockville Award (2020–2024). She helps clients to live full, meaningful lives, beyond food and body image concerns.

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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com