When an Eating Disorder Feels Like Your Best Friend

By: Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, Therapist & Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

In my work as a therapist supporting individuals with eating disorders, many describe their eating disorder as feeling like a “friend.” To those without this experience, it might seem perplexing.

For someone in the midst of an eating disorder, it can feel like a source of “companionship,” “comfort,” “uniqueness,” or “something that’s always the​re.”

Your eating disorder has likely served a function in your life, or you wouldn’t continue engaging in its behaviors.

However, it’s essential to recognize that while eating disorders may offer temporary relief—such as a feeling of “calm” or “companionship,” the long-term effects often include isolation, depression, and unhappiness.


Your Eating Disorder Mimics a Toxic Friendship

In truth, an eating disorder behaves much like a toxic friend. It convinces you that leaving it will destroy your life.

It exclaims that you can’t be happy without it.

It promises connection, comfort, and a sense of being unique. And while it might deliver those in fleeting moments, the long-term cost is disconnection, loneliness, and emotional suffering. Over time, an eating disorder often replaces healthy relationships, leaving the people you care about in the background.

An eating disorder can make you feel “special” or “different.” But as the disorder deepens, it often strips away your individuality and the traits that truly make you unique as a person.

It takes over your identity, replacing your authentic self with an illness.

On Instagram, I shared a post that explains why eating disorders resemble toxic friendships. It said:

What will your eating disorder take from you if you continue to hold on to it?

• Your joy at family dinners
• Your sense of humor
• Your ability to feel happiness
• Your friendships
• Your relationships
• School
• Your passions
• Your health
• Your strong bones
• Your shiny hair
• Your confidence
• Your freedom
• Your life

Eating disorders aren’t a choice, but you can choose to take the first steps toward recovery today.


If Letting Go Feels Scary

If the idea of recovering feels daunting, try this: write down what your life might look like five years from now if you stay trapped in the disorder versus what it could be if you recover.

The truth is, your eating disorder will always be there if you choose to go back. But what if this time, you tried something different? You know how the disorder feels—why not give recovery a shot? I have never met someone who fully recovered from their eating disorder and regrets it.

Have you ever ended a toxic friendship and felt an incredible sense of freedom afterward?

That’s exactly how many feel after fully recovering from an eating disorder. You’ll no longer be controlled by the relentless voice of the eating disorder.

Instead, you’ll rediscover your passions, strengthen relationships, and experience a profound sense of peace, as well as getting back a ton of brain space that the eating disorder was taking up.


Journal Prompts:

1. Reflect on Your "Friendship" with Your Eating Disorder

• How has your eating disorder acted like a "friend" in your life? What comfort or companionship has it provided? How has it also acted like a toxic friend?
  

2. The True Cost of the Eating Disorder

• What has your eating disorder taken away from you? Consider your relationships, hobbies, health, or personal joy. How do you feel when you think about these losses?

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3. Visualizing Two Paths

• Imagine your life five years from now if you continue struggling with the eating disorder versus if you recover. Write about both futures in detail. Which path feels more fulfilling, and why?

4. Rediscovering Your Authentic Self

• Who were you before your eating disorder took over? Write about your traits, passions, and dreams. How can you start reconnecting with that version of yourself?

5. Healing Through Letting Go

• Think about a time you ended a toxic friendship or relationship. What emotions did you feel afterward? How might those feelings apply to letting go of your eating disorder?
  

6. What Recovery Could Give You

• If you could free up the mental energy and time currently consumed by your eating disorder, what would you use it for? List at least three passions, goals, or joys you’d pursue.

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Ready to take the first step toward healing?

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.
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🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, NY, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
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The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com