Why You Shouldn’t Comment on Someone’s Weight

By: Jennifer Rollin, LCSW-C, Therapist and Founder of The Eating Disorder Center

We live in a culture where comments about appearance, especially weight, are often treated as casual, harmless conversation. Phrases like, “You look amazing, did you lose weight?” are commonly offered as compliments, even by people who mean well. These remarks are usually said automatically, without much thought, and are often viewed as polite or encouraging. However, just because something is common does not mean it is harmless.

Most people do not intend to hurt others when they say things like, “You’re so thin now, that’s great,” or “Wow, you’ve lost weight!” Even comments pointing out weight gain are often made thoughtlessly rather than maliciously. Despite these intentions, commenting on someone’s weight can still cause real harm. There are several important reasons why we should avoid making remarks about other people’s bodies, especially their weight.


1. Weight tells you nothing meaningful about a person’s life

One of the biggest problems with weight-based comments is the assumption that weight reflects health, happiness, or success. Our society often labels weight loss as a positive achievement and weight gain as a failure. This belief is deeply ingrained, but it is also deeply flawed. A person’s weight does not reveal their physical health, mental well-being, or personal circumstances.

When someone is praised for losing weight, there is no way to know what caused that change. They could be dealing with a serious medical illness, struggling with depression, grieving a loss, or experiencing an eating disorder. In these cases, a comment meant as a compliment can feel painful or invalidating. On the other hand, someone who has gained weight might be healthier than ever, recovering from an eating disorder, or finally breaking free from years of restrictive dieting.

Attaching moral value to body size, like treating thinness as “good” and fatness as “bad,” creates a harmful way of thinking. Bodies naturally change throughout a person’s life due to aging, stress, hormones, lifestyle changes, and countless other factors. These changes are normal and do not reflect a person’s worth. People are valuable because of who they are, not because of how much they weigh or what shape their body happens to be.


2. Comments about weight can be triggering and damaging

Another reason to avoid commenting on weight is that these remarks can be extremely triggering. For individuals who have struggled with eating disorders or disordered eating, even a seemingly positive comment can reinforce harmful thoughts and behaviors. Weight-related praise may encourage restriction, obsession with food, or relapse into unhealthy patterns.

It is also important to understand that eating disorders are not visible. They affect people of all body types, genders, and ages. Assuming someone is healthy because they appear thin, or unhealthy because they are larger, is both inaccurate and dangerous.

Even for people without eating disorders, comments about weight can create unnecessary pressure. If someone loses weight through dieting and receives praise, they may feel intense shame or failure if they regain that weight later. Since most diets are not sustainable long-term, this cycle of loss, praise, regain, and guilt can continue for years. Research shows that this pattern can harm both physical health and emotional well-being, making weight-focused comments more harmful than helpful.


3. Focusing on weight distracts from what truly matters

Perhaps the most frustrating aspect of weight-focused conversation is how much attention it takes away from meaningful topics. It is not uncommon to see groups of intelligent, driven, and successful people, especially people who identify as women, spending a large portion of their time discussing diets, bodies, and appearance. These are individuals with accomplishments, goals, talents, and passions, yet the conversation often centers on something as unimportant as weight.

This is not an individual failure, but a cultural one. Diet culture and appearance-based standards affect people of all genders, but they have historically been used to distract people who identify as women from pursuing power, creativity, and leadership. Interestingly, the rise of diet culture closely aligns with periods when people who identify as women gained more rights and independence. Fixation on appearance can limit confidence and reduce the mental energy available for more meaningful pursuits.

It is also disappointing that when people reunite after a long time apart, weight is often the first thing mentioned. Instead of asking about someone’s interests, relationships, or experiences, attention is immediately drawn to their body. There are so many richer and more respectful ways to connect with others that do not involve commenting on their appearance.


How to respond when someone comments on your weight

Despite our best efforts, people may still comment on your body. Having prepared responses can make these moments easier to navigate. Here are some ways to respond while setting boundaries:

If someone says, “You look great! Did you lose weight?” you could reply:

• “I don’t really focus on my weight, here are so many more interesting things about me.”
• “I’m not sure, I don’t weigh myself. How have you been?”
• “I feel good, and that’s what matters most to me.”
• “That question makes me a bit uncomfortable, honestly.”
  
  

If someone asks, “Have you gained weight?” you might say:

• “I’m happy and healthy, thanks.”
• “I try not to measure my worth by my body.”
• “I’d prefer not to talk about my weight.”
• “My body isn’t really a topic for discussion.”
  
  

These responses are not rude, they are honest and self-respecting.


Final thoughts

At the end of the day, a person’s value has nothing to do with their appearance. It is not found in a number on a scale or in how closely they match society’s beauty standards. True worth comes from kindness, curiosity, resilience, and connection. It shows up in laughter, compassion, creativity, and the way someone treats others.

When we stop commenting on weight, we create space for deeper, more meaningful conversations, and a culture that values people for who they truly are.
​
Here at The Eating Disorder Center, we provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, Maryland, and virtually throughout MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, bulimia, binge eating disorder, OSFED, ARFID, orthorexia, and compulsive exercise. We also have therapists who specialize in eating disorders co-occurring with trauma, OCD, and mood disorders. Many of our clinicians are personally recovered from eating disorders and have been there– we truly want to help! ​

Schedule a FREE 15-minute consultation to explore how eating disorder therapy or recovery coaching can help you to find freedom.

🌟 Available in MD, VA, DC, PA, FL, and CA for eating disorder therapy
🌍 Offering recovery coaching worldwide

---

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C (she/her), is an award-winning eating disorder therapist and the founder of The Eating Disorder Center, a specialized therapy practice for eating disorders and body image concerns. Jennifer uses ACT, CBT, and DBT to help clients find freedom from eating disorders and body image struggles.  Jennifer is recognized as a leading eating disorder expert and was named one of the top professionals in the field by a premier treatment center. She is the recipient of the Best of Bethesda Award for Best Individual Therapist (2025) and the Best of Rockville Award (2020–2024). She helps clients to live full, meaningful lives, beyond food and body image concerns.

---

---

The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping children, teens, and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington, D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder and EMDR trauma therapy in Rockville, Maryland and virtually throughout Maryland and Virginia. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com