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By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  Certain aspects of recovering from an eating disorder are often not talked about enough. Some publications share stories of intense struggles, followed by a triumphant rise to full recovery. These stories are truly great as they inspire hope for those who are still struggling, however often they do not highlight details of the recovery journey.
One of the aspects of eating disorder recovery that is often not discussed, is that often people may feel worse before they start to feel better. I share about this aspect of recovery not in an effort to cause you to want to ‘give up,’ but rather to encourage you to keep fighting-even when your eating disorder is yelling at you to ‘throw in the towel.' For many people, there is a stage of recovery where they have stopped using many of their behaviors (and if weight restoration was indicated, they have weight restored), however the thoughts are still very loud. This can be incredibly challenging as loved ones may think that you are ‘doing so much better,’ and you might struggle to understand why you feel ‘so bad’ despite taking recovery actions. The thing is that your eating disorder was likely (in part) a way that you were attempting to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings. Once, you are not relying as much on eating disorder behaviors-it's natural those thoughts and feelings will come up to the surface. Additionally, your eating disorder will say whatever it needs to, in order to keep itself alive. So, it makes sense that as you are not following with what your eating disorder is telling you to do, that the thoughts may start to build in intensity. It’s important to remember though, that this stage of recovery where you aren’t using behaviors as much and feel the same or potentially even worse-is only temporary. The longer that you continue to take pro-recovery actions and refuse to follow the actions that your eating disorder suggests, the more that the neural pathways in your brain will start to change. Many people in recovery struggle with ‘black and white thinking,’ and it’s so easy to say, ‘well I feel worse (or the same) so I may as well give up on this whole recovery thing.’ However, I wouldn’t do this work, if this stage of recovery lasted forever. It won’t and you will get to the point where things feel so much better and you will be free from the constant thoughts about food and your body. Please don’t give up before you get there. You can always go back to your eating disorder, but what you know exactly where that will lead. What if you tried something different this time? It will be so worth it. To those of you who are in the midst of this intense emotional storm. To the ones who are fighting to take recovery actions, despite a voice yelling at you in your head. I am sending so much compassion your way. You are so incredibly brave and I’m proud of you. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
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By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  We live in a society where “You look great, have you lost weight?” is unfortunately seen as a normal greeting. Recently, I went to a party where comments about people’s bodies and weight seemed to be the initial topics of conversation. I overheard numerous conversations congratulating others for their weight loss or thinness. I truly believe that people often do not intend to hurt others by exclaiming, “You look so thin, that’s awesome,” or “Did you lose weight? How great,” or even, “You got bigger.” In light of that, the following are three reasons why you should never comment on someone’s weight. 1. You cannot tell anything about a person’s health, happiness or life circumstances based on their weight.We live in a society where often weight loss is perceived as “good” and weight gain is seen as “bad.” This fundamental assumption is inherently flawed. Weight loss and gain tells you nothing about a person’s health, happiness, habits, or life circumstances. The person that you are praising for their weight loss could be suffering from a life-threatening eating disorder, cancer, depression, grief, the diet-binge cycle, intense self-hatred, or numerous other issues. The person that you are judging for their weight gain may be happy, healthy, in recovery from an eating disorder, finally letting go of the diet mentality, etc. Being thin is not “good” and being fat is not “bad.” There shouldn’t be this sense of morality surrounding weight. Additionally, our bodies are meant to change throughout our lives. This is part of being a human being and nothing to be ashamed of. All bodies are good bodies, but more importantly people’s worth is not based upon their weight or shape. 2. Weight-related comments can be highly triggering for people.There are so many examples of how weight-related comments can trigger people. For instance, we know that for those in recovery from an eating disorder, weight-related comments can be incredibly triggering and can serve to fuel their disorder or cause a relapse. It’s also important to note that you cannot tell who has an eating disorder based on their physical appearance. People with eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Let’s say that someone has simply lost weight on a diet and you applaud them on their “weight loss.” Since we know that diets have around a 95% “failure” rate when it comes to maintaining weight loss in the long-term, this “praise” will only serve to make them feel worse when they inevitably gain the weight back. This can serve to perpetuate the diet-binge cycle, which has been shown to have highly detrimental effects in regards to people’s health and happiness. 3. It shifts focus away from things that are actually important.I am sometimes struck by how I can be among a group of ambitious successful women who have amazing careers and are raising children, yet the conversation is primarily focused around dieting and weight-related concerns. These are women who have achieved incredible things and yet they are choosing to focus on something so trivial and meaningless. I do not blame them, as this is largely a cultural and societal issue. Body image issues and diet-culture impact people of all genders. However, I do think that particularly as women it’s important to note that a focus on these issues often keeps us from “playing big” in other areas of our lives. Diet-culture and a fixation on thinness actually rose in prominence around the time that women began to gain more political rights in our society. Additionally, It’s sad to me that people will approach someone that they haven’t seen in a long time and the first comment that they think to make is about the individual’s weight. What if instead you asked them about their passions, their relationships, and how they are doing in general? There are so many more important and interesting things to focus on than a person’s weight or eating habits. What to Say if Someone Comments on Your Weight The following are some simple suggestions for what you can say if someone comments on your weight.
“You look great! Did you lose weight?” - I choose not to focus on my weight. There are so many more interesting things about me. - No clue. I don’t weigh myself. So how has your family been? - I feel great and that’s all that matters. - Nope. I just look and feel great. - That question honestly makes me pretty uncomfortable, as I try not to focus on my weight as a barometer of my worth. “Have you gained weight since I last saw you?” - I’m happy and healthy, thanks for noticing. - Is weight something that you focus on? - No clue. I don’t tie my self-worth to a number on a scale. - I’m trying not to focus on my weight, so I’d rather you not comment on it. - Yep! (with a smile). - I don’t think that’s an appropriate question. My body is nobody else’s business. Ultimately, your worth and your value do not come from your appearance, the number on a scale, or your body. Your value lies in the kindness that you extend to others, the spark in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, and your relationships. You are enough, just as you are. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com |
The Eating Disorder CenterWe are a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland.
We also provide eating disorder recovery coaching to people worldwide via Zoom. Click here to book your free 15 minute phone consultation! Phone: 301-246-6856 Email: [email protected] Archives
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