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By Megan Samuels, Intern For Eating Disorder Center  Often times, holidays can be an anxiety producing time, being around friends, being with family, interacting in large social groups, food, body image, etc. Whether you are going to the beach for the July 4th, spending time with friends, or finding a little relaxation time (which is what I will be doing), I have created some tips for navigating anxiety during this holiday. Read through these tips and depending on what your holiday plans are, take a picture of some of them so they are easily accessible for you to remember throughout the day/evening/weekend of celebration. Tip #1: Take some time for self-care If you choose to stay home for July 4th, consider engaging in some relaxing self-care activities. These could include, drawing, journaling, taking a bubble bath, or curling up with a blanket and your favorite childhood movie (mine is the Sound of Music). It's ok if you don't have 'big plans' for the holiday. Take the time instead, to practice being kind to yourself. Tip #2: Watch the fireworks Watching the fireworks can be another great way to practice those mindfulness skills. Try laying on the grass (or a blanket) looking up at the sky. Let your body relax. Let your body know that it is safe. Notice the colors of the fireworks. What colors do you see? What emotions are evoked from each color? What physical sensations are happening within your body? How does it feel to be lying on the ground? Do you feel more connected to nature? What thoughts are coming up? What do the fireworks sound like? How does it feel to be so close to the ground? Tip #3: Comfort animals July 4th is not a favorite holiday for all living creatures. I know that my dog will pace around the house shaking during the fireworks. Then she will run to the basement and hide in the bathtub. I take this opportunity to sit with my dog and comfort her. As I am comforting her, I also feel comfort from her just by being in her presence. Take this opportunity to connect with your pet. Tell your pet a story or explain to them what you have been up to that day. You can also try resting your head on your pet’s body and listening for their heartbeat or breathing pattern. Does your heartbeat or breathing pattern match the pattern of your pet? How are they similar? How are they different? Don’t have a pet at home? No neighbors with pets around? Some local animal shelters will let volunteers comfort animals during the fireworks on the 4th of July. Look into animal shelters in your area to see if this could be a possibility for you. Tip #4: Notice how you feel in your body Take a moment (or longer) to notice how you feel in your body. How connected do you feel? Describe what you currently feel in your body. What are you wearing? Describe the feeling of the clothing against your skin. How do you feel about what you are wearing? Do you feel calm? Do you feel anxious? Where is that anxiety coming from? How can we calm down? How does your body feel in relation to the weather and the temperature outside? It's helpful to try to practice 'curiosity without judgement' when it comes to noticing body sensations. You can also try doing a meditation to relax your nervous system, apps I like include 'Insight Timer' and 'Headspace.' Tip #5: Eat food that you actually enjoy Eating disorders and diet culture love to tell you that certain foods are 'good' or 'bad,' but this is simply not the case. Today (and everyday) you deserve to eat foods that you actually enjoy-without beating yourself up or trying to 'compensate' in some way later. Food is not just fuel, it's also about pleasure, enjoyment, and social connection. If your eating disorder is trying to give you rules around food today, work to practice an 'opposite action' to whatever your eating disorder urges are. This is true strength. The Bottom Line I hope that these were helpful during your July 4th experience! Gratitude and mindfulness can help you check-in with you body and respect it. It can also act as an opportunity to thank you body for all that it does for you, and for letting you be with friends and watching the fireworks or being snuggled up with your pet at home. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
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By Megan Samuels, Intern For The Eating Disorder Center  This can be a tough one for me. I consider myself in strong recovery and yet I will go on a road trip with a friend or on vacation with family and sometimes all hell will break loose. I consider myself a very organized person and I always stick to my calendar. That being said, it makes flexible eating and vacations pretty challenging for me, as sometimes things can come up on vacations and we have to adapt and be okay with that change. I have learned to accept imperfection, while still fueling myself appropriately, no matter where I am (airport, friend’s house, my apartment, train, etc.). Vacations are tricky because food schedules and mealtimes could change due to a number of factors that are most likely out of our control. This often creates an intense feeling of anxiety and frustration. Eating disorder thoughts may even swoop into the game and try to take control. This is the moment where you tell your eating disorder no! You are more powerful than those vicious voices trying to take over your thoughts. I have created a list of tips for traveling with an eating disorder, as this can be an extra challenge that not everyone may understand and help out with. I want to acknowledge that we are all unique humans, and that things that work for me may not work for you, and that’s more than okay! Tip #1: Pack plenty of food. I consider myself the soccer mom who has EVERYTHING in her purse. Snacks, bandaids, lotion, hand sanitizer, a stress ball, etc. I amplify this part of myself when I go on vacation so whenever I am hungry I will have access to food. This sometimes means buying food at a hotel or a local supermarket and carrying food around with my throughout the day in case I get hungry and I am unable to go buy food. Tip #2: Advocate for yourself. I cannot stress this more. I also acknowledge how difficult this can be, especially in the moment. Advocating for yourself may look like telling whoever you are with (friends, family, etc.) that you are hungry and need something to eat. This could also look like you walking to a nearby restaurant (if you are able to incorporate movement into your daily life) to grab food if no one else is hungry but you are (which is SO okay, everyone gets hungry at different times throughout the day). Tip #3: Reach out for help. You have a support system, use them. It’s as simple as that sometimes. People love you in this world and want to help you. Whether this looks like a family member, a friend, or a therapist, there are people rooting for you and ready to help you even when it doesn’t feel like it. Asking for help can sometimes be the bravest (and sometimes scariest) thing that you do but it is important and can have positive effects on your relationships and your recovery. Tip #4: Believe in yourself. You are always more powerful than you think, and I do not say this lightly. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you will fuel your body and enjoy food today. The act of looking at yourself and saying an affirmation is so special and it can make all the difference. If believing in yourself is too much, remember that I believe in you and I believe that you can provide your body with food, love, and respect today and everyday. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  For those who are struggling with an eating disorder, depression, anxiety, or another mental illness, there are often a variety of urges that they experience. For example, people who are experiencing depression may feel the urge to isolate from others. Individuals who are struggling with anxiety might experience the urge to avoid situations that cause them to feel anxious. Individuals who are suffering from an eating disorder may experience the urge to social occasions that involve food. These urges come from a good place, as the individual is often trying to “feel better.” Using the behavior may even feel like it 'helps' in the short term. However, in the long-run they only serve to make the person feel even worse. One Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skill that can be useful is called “opposite action.”
An Example of Opposite Action Emotions are important in that they provide us with information and signals about things to pay attention to in our lives. There are times when an emotion “fits the facts of a situation” and motivates us towards effective action. For instance, feeling anxiety about an important exam could serve as a motivator to study. Or feeling anxious while walking home alone at night could help someone to maintain a better awareness of their surroundings. However, there are times when an emotion “does not fit the facts of the situation” and when acting on an emotional urge is not effective. For instance, feeling intense anxiety about eating dinner at a restaurant does not “fit the facts of the situation,” and could cause someone to feel the urge to avoid socializing and going out to eat. Over time, this avoidance behavior only serves to make the anxiety worse. Additionally, it could start to negatively impact an individual’s relationships. In this instance, it would be helpful to note that you are experiencing the urge to avoid eating out and to the take an “opposite action,” which is more in alignment with your life values. For instance, pushing yourself to have meals out at a restaurant (despite feeling afraid), would be taking an opposite action. Seek Help If you are struggling with a mental illness and are having trouble putting this exercise into practice, it’s so important to reach out for help from a trained professional. Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. Additionally, it’s important to note that behavior change can take time. I often ask that clients begin to challenge themselves in gradual and manageable steps. Further, it’s helpful to be compassionate with yourself, wherever you are in your healing journey. If you are interested in learning more about DBT, I’d recommend checking out The DBT Skills Workbook. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  On the outside, her life looks great. She can’t imagine how it would feel if people knew about her secret. During the day she only allows herself small portions of “healthy foods.” She promises herself that she will stick to this plan. Yet, at night she finds herself standing at the kitchen counter eating globs of peanut butter from the jar, finishing off trays full of cookies, cartons of ice cream, and loaves of bread slathered in butter and jelly. She emerges from a food daze feeling painfully stuffed, ashamed, and terrified. She purges-, either through vomiting or through self-punishing exercise. Afterwards, she feels a momentary sense of calm, followed by feelings of guilt and shame. She promises herself that tomorrow she will stick to her “healthy diet,” and the terrible cycle continues. Tips for Recovery The diet/binge/purge cycle is exhausting. It’s also filling some kind of emotional need for you. Through therapy, you can work to break free from this cycle and uncover the joyful life that you deserve. The following are a few of my tips for breaking out of the diet/binge/purge cycle:
It’s not your fault that you are struggling. However, you can choose to take the next steps in support of your recovery. If you find that you hate your life in recovery, you can always go back to your eating disorder. But what if you gave yourself the chance to try something different this time? Bulimia isn’t glamorous or cool. It’s swollen cheeks, teeth decaying, physical injuries from over-exercise, potentially losing your fertility (if you are a woman, however people of all genders can struggle), cardiac problems, depression, isolation, actual death, or living but feeling dead inside. You deserve to find freedom. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By: Megan Samuels, Intern For The Eating Disorder Center  Friday June 7, 2019 was National Donut Day. I pulled up to Krispy Kreme with my parents and received a free donut that had chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles. After I devoured the delicious round shaped pastry, I decided to reflect on my recovery journey, especially as it pertains to eating donuts. Donuts used to be a major fear food for me. By fear food, I mean that society, diet culture, and my own internalized beliefs led me to put donuts in a “bad food” category. I avoided donuts at all costs before my recovery and if I did have one, I would have extreme feelings of guilt and shame afterwards. Fast-forward to my recovery. I slowly learned to tackle eating donuts with my dietician. I started my eating it with a fork and a knife and then gradually moved to biting into the donut with my mouth. This transition from not eating donuts to eating a donut with my hands took time, effort, and patience. I remember at one point in my recovery I wanted to keep up my donut eating momentum so I stopped by the Dunkin Donuts near my apartment almost weekly and picked up a tasty, stylish donut. Eating donuts just became normal to me. They are no longer categorized as a “bad food” to me. They will always be a “bad food” to my eating disorder, but I have become aware that my eating disorder thoughts are not my thoughts. My thoughts say that all foods fit and I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Conquering the donut has taught me a lot about myself. I have learned that no matter what I set my mind to, it can be done. I have proved to myself that I can comfortably eat donuts, something I never thought would happen because my thoughts were so intertwined with my eating disorder that I couldn’t separate them. I know look forward to, and crave, donuts. Instead of denying myself this craving, as I used to do, I stop by the nearest donut shop and get a colorful decorated donut that I know I will enjoy. I show my recovery that I appreciate it and that my live is worth more than saying no to certain foods. I am excited for the food freedom that will come in the future with more time in recovery and more body respect and “all foods fit” mentality. Journaling Prompts:
The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Megan Samuels, The Eating Disorder Center Intern  In high school, I was plagued by varsity sports. I ran for hours every day, whether I wanted to or not. If we did a skill wrong or lost a game, we ran as punishment. We had to get under a certain mile time. Everything in my life revolved around running. Later on in my recovery I realized that varsity sports was not my form of joyful movement. Through working with a therapist and a dietitian, I eventually realized that I didn’t actually enjoy running. This was a difficult conclusion at the time for me to make. However, in being truly honest with myself-I realized that I ran when I didn’t want to, it came from a place of wanting to alter my body, and I ran to punish my body. Today, years after varsity sports, I asked my family if they wanted to play tennis during the long weekend. We went to the local park and played for fun. We did not keep score, however, we did count the number of times I was laughing uncontrollably because I would serve the ball into another court. During this tennis game, I realized that I was doing joyful movement. This was it. Moving simply for the fun of moving and being around my family. It had nothing to do with altering my body and that was such an amazing feeling. I felt at peace with my body. I was playing tennis just to play tennis, have fun, and enjoy my life. I often think about joyful movement in the sense of how small children play. Children run outside and play soccer when they want to and when it feels good to them. I am working on honoring my inner child and I believe that I achieved that goal today. Below I have listed some of my favorite ways to move:
**Please note that if your treatment team has asked for you to not be doing any form of movement right now-it’s so important to honor that for your health and well-being. It’s important to be mindful that part of my recovery involved complete rest from exercise-and that this was a crucial aspect of my healing process. Actually taking time off from movement during the recovery process often leads to better recovery outcomes. Sometimes taking a period of rest, is actually the healthiest thing for you. One of the privileges of being at a later stage of recovery is exploring forms of joyful movement and reconnecting with my body, in a way that comes from a place of self-care and joy-rather than punishment. Journaling Prompts:
The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  With swimsuits, less clothing, and people running around proclaiming the so-called 'benefits' of their ‘low carb’ diets, the summer can be a really difficult time for those in eating disorder recovery. For someone who is in the midst of struggling with an eating disorder, often there are not a lot of quiet mental moments. However, it becomes even harder when this mental noise about weight and food is endorsed strongly by the culture. The following are a few quick tips for surviving the summer in eating disorder recovery. 1.Make an effort to build in structure. I work with people of all ages in recovery from eating disorders, however this tip is especially important for students or those for whom the summer brings about a change in their schedule. Anxiety and eating disorders thrive in environments that lack structure. So, it’s really important to build in some kind of helpful routine (even if for instance, your work schedule is consistent over the summer). When I talk about structure, it’s really looking at things that you can add in-so whether you are off school for the summer and look at volunteering opportunities-or are simply looking at adding in 10 minutes of meditation a few times a week, there are lots of options. If you are meeting with a therapist and dietitian, it’s important to try to maintain some consistency with appointments (although understandably travel, camp, etc can get in the way), making sure that you are checking in with your support system and treatment team is important. If you don't have a therapist, eating disorder dietitian, or recovery coach-consider reaching out for more support. Reaching out for help when you are struggling can feel anxiety-provoking, but ultimately it is so brave. 2.Counter-condition yourself to this idea of a ‘summer body.’ The idea of a ‘summer body’ was created so that the diet industry could make you feel insecure and thus more likely to spend a lot of money on their products. The reality is that your body exists to keep you alive (and not to be some kind of object or determinant of your worth)-and does so in all seasons. Summer body=whatever body you have right now (ditto for ‘swimsuit body’). Unfollow anyone who is promoting a ‘bikini body diet’ or other unhealthy things, and add in people on social media of diverse body sizes and those who are promoting more positive messages. It’s also important to make sure that you have comfortable summer clothing that fits your current body. It can be helpful to go shopping with a friend who is supportive of your recovery who can grab things in a variety of sizes for you to try on. 3.Make a summer bucket list that has nothing to do with dieting or attempts to try to change your body. Eating disorders shrink people’s lives and through recovery your whole world opens up. Your eating disorder will want you to focus on your body and food this summer, but what would you actually like to spend your time doing? Make a list of things that you’d love to do this summer-where you can practice being in the moment, which will help to shift focus from your body and food to the things that are truly meaningful. They don’t have to be super big things either-even focusing on the simple pleasures that your eating disorder has caused you to shift focus from, can be helpful. Examples of things that you could put on your summer bucket list:
The Bottom Line When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I had fleeting moments of a false sense of ‘happiness’ and a sense of ‘comfort’ but the majority of the time I was depressed and miserable. I thought about food and my body 80 percent of the time. I had so many rules. I felt totally trapped. It was exhausting. I definitely don’t take the ability that I have now to laugh with friends over brunch without anxiety, the mental energy, and the freedom from the constant thoughts, for granted. Ultimately, recovery enables you to have the brain space to focus on things that are far more meaningful and important. This summer and beyond, my hope for you is that in each new moment you try to do the next best recovery action. It will be 100 percent worth it when you are finally free from this. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
 Healthy living and the concept of “healthy eating” appears to be our new cultural fixation. We are constantly flooded with articles and advertisements consisting of elaborate juices, recipes, and lists of super foods, that all claim to be able to instill us with optimal health. So what on earth does it mean to “eat healthy?” There are many different camps that have opposing viewpoints as to what constitutes “healthy eating.” Some people have jumped on the “I eat only organic” bandwagon, whereas others are fixated on the concept of “clean eating,” and still others promote the “keto diet" with an almost religious zeal. The reality is that this concept of 'healthy eating,' and putting food into 'black and white' categories can actually be harmful. It can lead to a disordered relationship with food-and for some to an eating disorder (in combination with a variety of other factors i.e. genetics, temperament, trauma, etc). At The Eating Disorder Center, we love debunking this idea of 'healthy eating' (and helping people to redefine it) as well as the idea of 'good' and 'bad' foods. We believe that ALL foods can fit into a healthy diet (barring genuine medical restrictions). Below are two free resources to help you to get started on the path to finding freedom from an eating disorder. Check out this 5 minute video with tips from my awesome associate, Samantha Moshiri, MA, LMFT. Here is a free copy of my "All Foods Fit" Collection featuring interviews from a wide range of experts. 
Are you sick and tired of feeling trapped by an eating disorder? Book your free 15 min consultation with Samantha. What People Are Saying About Samantha "Samantha is one of the best therapists I know. She is not only highly knowledgeable regarding eating disorders and all of the underlying issues surrounding them but she is also a wonderful person who truly shows her clients empathy and care along their entire journey of recovery. If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder having Samantha as your therapist will be an absolute blessing!" -Gabrielle Miller, MA, LMFT, Eating Disorder Therapist "Rarely in life do we encounter people who genuinely care about others and who truly strive to help them. Samantha Moshiri is one of those people. As a gracious, empathetic therapist, she quickly puts others at ease while creating a safe space for productive, meaningful conversation. Sessions provide creative tools to cope with current and future issues, along with the knowledge that help is available, and recovery is possible!! Highly recommend!" -Leslie Volk, MA, LMFT, Clinical Therapist The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By: Sarah Rzemieniak  In eating disorder recovery, there are generally lots of fears that will be present and behavioral changes that can feel initially difficult to make. However, ultimately, the challenge of taking recovery actions (thereby challenging the eating disorder), comes down to having to deal with extremely scary and anxiety-provoking thoughts and feelings. At their core, nothing is truly good or bad but it is our thinking, and judgments of our feelings, that make them feel this way. In so many ways, eating disorders help us to cope with our thoughts and feelings to avoid as much pain and discomfort as possible. So, it makes sense that it might feel scary to gradually let go of the eating disorder. If we never break an eating disorder rule, we can attempt to avoid the anxiety, fear, self-criticism and so many other painful thoughts and feelings that come from doing so. When we restrict or binge, we are attempting to, and are often able to temporarily, avoid certain feelings and numb out. If we are always striving for a smaller body, we can try to avoid the thoughts and feelings of self-hate and disgust we feel at the body we have now, or the one we imagine we will end up with. Eventually though, we often realize that the price we’re paying to maintain these coping strategies is too high…. Yet we get stuck sometimes, as the thought of having to face all of the thoughts and feelings that come with recovery can feel scary. This is why finding new ways for dealing with thoughts and feelings is so important on the recovery journey - not just to help find new ways of coping in the world without the eating disorder, but to help make the changes that are a necessary part of the recovery journey feel more tolerable so that you don't give up. Below are some effective new ways for dealing with emotions, especially difficult ones, during eating disorder recovery and beyond. None of these will feel easy or natural at first, but do your best to remember that very few things do.... your eating disorder thoughts and reactions strengthened over time, and so new ways of thinking, reacting and being will also take time to feel easy, natural and automatic. But the journey can be beautiful, and the result will be so worth it. The Concept of Acceptance As hard as this will be, first being willing to feel our feelings, as uncomfortable as they can be, can help so much in our ability to tolerate them, and for them to not feel so overwhelming. At their core, all emotions really are just physical sensations in our body….. Some are more uncomfortable than others, but without the stories we tell ourselves, and the meaning and fears we create around them, they really are just feelings…. And the less we fight them, try to suppress them, try to avoid them, or tell ourselves how terrible it is we’re feeling them, the less overwhelming they will feel, and the sooner they will naturally pass through us on their own. According to The Parable of The Second Arrow, the Buddha said, ‘In life, we can’t always control the first arrow. However, the second arrow is our reaction to the first. This second arrow is optional.’ And it is this second arrow that causes our real suffering…. If the first arrow is our natural feelings and emotions that are a part of life, it is the second arrow - the stories, judgements and reactions we have about our feelings - that causes us to truly suffer. It is these stories, judgments and reactions to our original, natural emotions that cause our feelings to feel more overwhelming, as well as cause us to feel further uncomfortable emotions on top of our original emotion such as fear about our sadness, anxiety about our anxiety, anger about our fear, fear about our anger etc. In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, this concept is referred to as ‘The Struggle Switch’. In his book The Happiness Trap, therapist Dr. Russ Harris describes the concept this way: “Have you ever seen one of those old cowboy movies where the bad guy falls into a pool of quicksand and the more he struggles, the faster it sucks him under? If you ever fall into quicksand, struggling is the worst thing you can do. What you’re supposed to do is lie back, stretch out, keep still, and let yourself float on the surface. (Then whistle for your horse to come and rescue you!) This takes real presence of mind, because every instinct in your body tells you to struggle; but the more you struggle, the worse your situation becomes. The same principle applies to difficult feelings: the more we struggle with them, the more trouble we create for ourselves.” As hard as this is, once we understand the benefit for ourselves of working on accepting our feelings just as they are, the practices of Expansion, RAIN, or Dropping Anchor will help us learn and practice how to do this. The Practices of Expansion, RAIN, and Dropping Anchor Not wanting to feel our difficult emotions, trying to avoid them, and telling ourselves scary stories about them is so normal…. We’re rarely taught how to do otherwise, and it really does take practice to be able to deal with them differently. However, learning to do this, being patient with yourself and diligent in applying these practices over and over until they begin to eventually feel automatic, will help so much on the recovery journey. There are many different practices for how to deal effectively with our emotions. However, these three are the ones I have found to be the most helpful in my own life and with coaching clients. If one resonates with you more than the others, you can stick with this one. For very overwhelming emotions though, Dropping Anchor will likely feel the most helpful. 1. Expansion Expansion is a practice from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. In his book The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris describes the practice as a way for “Making room for unpleasant feelings and sensations instead of trying to suppress them or push them away. As you open up and make space for these feelings, you will find they bother you much less, and they “move on” much more rapidly, instead of “hanging around” and disturbing you.” Expansion involves four steps, and you can use them with any emotion. The four steps are:
Like so many things, Expansion may sound simple but it is definitely not always easy. However, with practice and time, it really does become easier and more automatic, and the benefits are so huge. This practice can be especially helpful for getting through the anxiety, guilt and fear that inevitably comes up when you begin challenging eating disorder rules and noticing changes with your body. This practice was indispensable for me during my recovery, and I still use it almost every day, whether it is with disappointment over changed plans, and argument with my partner, anxiety about an upcoming commitment, or so many other difficult emotions I would have tried to avoid or suppress in the past, thereby limiting my freedom and flexibility and making me feel trapped. 2. The RAIN of Self-Compassion The RAIN of Self-Compassion is an exercise taught by psychotherapist Tara Brach (whose books Radical Acceptance and True Refuge were some of my favorites during my recovery journey). This practice is similar to Expansion, but consciously involves the concept of self-compassion, which I love and believe is so integral to the recovery journey. Like Expansion, RAIN involves four steps. They are:
R — Recognize What’s Going On. Recognizing means consciously acknowledging, in any given moment, the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that are affecting us. Like awakening from a dream, the first step out of the trance of unworthiness is simply to recognize that we are stuck and subject to painfully constricting beliefs, emotions, and physical sensations. Common signs of the trance include a critical inner voice, feelings of shame or fear, the squeeze of anxiety or the weight of depression in the body. Recognizing can be a simple mental whisper, noting what has come up. A — Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is. Allowing means letting the thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations we have recognized simply be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. When we’re caught in self-judgment, letting it be there doesn’t mean we agree with our conviction that we’re unworthy. Rather, we honestly acknowledge the arising of our judgment, as well as the painful feelings underneath. Many clients I work with support their resolve to pause and let be by silently offering an encouraging word or phrase to themselves. For instance, you might feel the grip of fear and mentally whisper, Yes, or It’s ok, in order to acknowledge and accept the reality of your experience in this moment. I — Investigate with Interest and Care. Once we have recognized and allowed what is arising, we can deepen our attention through investigation. To investigate, call on your natural curiosity - the desire to know truth - and direct a more focused attention to your present experience. You might ask yourself: What most wants attention? How am I experiencing this in my body? What am I believing? What does this vulnerable place want from me? What does it most need? Whatever the inquiry, your investigation will be most transformational if you step away from conceptualizing and bring your primary attention to the felt-sense in the body. When investigating, it is essential to approach your experience in a non-judgmental and kind way. This attitude of care helps create a sufficient sense of safety, making it possible to honestly connect with our hurts, fears and shame. N — Nurture with Self-Compassion. Self-compassion begins to naturally arise in the moments that we recognize we are suffering. It comes into fullness as we intentionally nurture our inner life with self-care. To do this, try to sense what the wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of companionship? Of love? 3. For Very Strong, Overwhelming Emotions: Dropping Anchor The final practice I want to share for dealing with difficult emotions is called 'Dropping Anchor', and is described fully in this ebook by Dr. Russ Harris. Dr. Harris explains the practice this way: "… no intervention is more effective than what I like to call ‘dropping anchor’ exercises. I call them this because we are basically learning to ‘drop an anchor’ in the midst of an ‘emotional storm’. These exercises don’t require you to speak, or to self-talk, so they are especially useful when you are overwhelmed. Now before we go any further, let’s just be clear: dropping an anchor won’t make the storm go away; it will just hold you steady until the storm passes. The storm may pass quickly, or it may pass slowly, or it may even get worse before it gets better. The anchor holds you steady during this time, so the storm doesn’t sweep you away." Again, we can see that the purpose of this practice is not to control or get rid of our feelings (the struggle switch, or second arrow), but rather to learn how to stay grounded and not be swept away and overwhelmed by them, or exacerbate them. The steps to walk yourself through when you are experiencing a very overwhelming emotion, when Expansion or RAIN may feel less effective, are:
Final Thoughts Like almost everything on the recovery journey, practice and patience is key. You did not develop your eating disorder overnight, and you have likely been thinking your eating disorder thoughts and practicing your eating disorder behaviors for a while. Therefore, it makes sense that any new practice will take time and repetition to feel natural for you. However, I believe that this effort will feel so worth it for you. When we think about it, how much of our lives are dictated by trying to avoid painful and unpleasant feelings? How many things would we try if we could trust that we could cope with whatever painful feelings might come along as a result? When we start to see that with practice we can get better at handling our unpleasant emotions, not only can we begin to feel more able to push ourselves and take scary but meaningful actions on our recovery journey, but we also begin to see our journey is in fact a chance to develop skills for dealing with life that will serve us not just in our recovery, but in our lives beyond. In my own life, all of my greatest coping strategies and my views on life that I am so grateful for are because of what I learned in order to recover from my eating disorder. Are you sick and tired of feeling trapped by an eating disorder? Book your free 15 min consultation with Sarah. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  “I shouldn’t feel so anxious around food.” “This shouldn’t be so hard.” “It’s my fault that I developed an eating disorder.” “I’m just such a shallow person.” I often see clients struggling with feelings of shame around their eating disorders thoughts or behaviors. I’ve also had clients who express feeling like it was some of their own “choices,” which led them to develop an eating disorder. Thus, blaming themselves for having an eating disorder. Struggling with an eating disorder is not a character flaw, rather it is a serious mental illness that no one would choose to struggle with. Unfortunately, there is a lack of public understanding of eating disorders and many stereotypes, which can serve to reinforce feelings of shame and stigma for those who are suffering. Ultimately, I’ve never seen anyone successfully shame themselves into recovery from an eating disorder. Shame actually can cause people to be dishonest, disconnected, and to not reach out for support when they need it. Challenging Some Common Shame-Based Beliefs The antidote to shame is having the courage to be vulnerable. It’s having the strength to reach out to someone and say, “actually I’m not ok." It’s also important to practice self-compassion, especially when self-critical or shame-based thoughts start to come up. The following is an example of how you can start to respond to your eating disorder thoughts, with more compassionate ones. It can be helpful to picture how you might respond to a friend or loved one who was struggling (another exercise that I like is finding a picture of yourself as a child and practicing self-compassionate responses that way). Eating Disorder Thought: “I shouldn’t feel so anxious around food.” Compassionate Response: It’s perfectly understandable that I’m feeling anxious around food. I’m in recovery from an eating disorder and this is how mine manifests. How can I take the next pro recovery action anyways? Eating Disorder Thought: “This shouldn’t be so hard.” Compassionate Response: If recovery were easy, then my therapist and dietitian wouldn’t have jobs. Recovery is definitely tough, but it will get easier with time and practice. Eating Disorder Thought: “It’s my fault that I developed an eating disorder.” Compassionate Response: No one would choose to develop an eating disorder, they’re miserable. The same way that no one would choose to have cancer. However, recovery is a choice that I can keep making in each moment. Eating Disorder Thought: “I’m just such a shallow person.” Compassionate Response: If I were truly shallow, I wouldn’t feel so distressed about the fact that i'm fixating on weight. I’m not shallow, I’m someone who is in recovery from an eating disorder. It’s perfectly understandable that I’m having a tough time with body image, as this is one of my symptoms. What can I do to be kind to myself right now? Eating Disorder Thought: “I’m not even sick enough to have an eating disorder.” Compassionate Response: It doesn’t matter what someone weighs, whether they have “normal labs,” or medical complications, or how often they use behaviors. Everyone who is struggling with an unhealthy relationship to food and their body-is 100% sick enough and deserves to get treatment. It’s Not Your Fault It’s not your fault that you developed an eating disorder. Eating disorders are mental illnesses that are caused by a combination of biopsychosocial factors (genes, temperament, environmental factors) , they are not choices. You are not “weak,” or a bad person for struggling. You are someone who is doing the best you can right now, with the coping strategies that you have. Reaching out for help when you are struggling is true courage. It takes incredible strength to say, “actually I’m not ok and I need support.” If you are struggling with feelings of shame around your eating disorder, you are not alone. The more that we can speak up about eating disorders, the more we can start to shatter the shame and stigma. I love working with people with eating disorders, because they are some of the most compassionate, intelligent, resilient, and brave people that I know. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout California. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
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The Eating Disorder CenterWe are a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. Archives
July 2019
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