“It seems like I’m actually experiencing my feelings, now that I’m no longer bingeing and purging my emotions,” my client in recovery from bulimia shared.
​
Eating disorders are believed to be caused by a combination of factors including, genetic, temperamental, and environmental influences.
 
However, one thing that almost all of my clients with eating disorders have in common is difficulty in expressing, processing, and coping with their emotions.
 
 
Emotional Avoidance and Eating Disorders
 
Emotional avoidance, is described as actions that are intended to prevent an emotional response from occurring, such as fear, anger or sadness.
 
People struggling with eating disorders often turn to their eating disorder behaviors in an unconscious effort to try to help themselves to “feel better” and to cope with difficult emotions or life circumstances.
 
For instance, for many people struggling with anorexia, their response when it comes to coping with feelings of anxiety, sadness, or loneliness, is to restrict their food. This may give them a false sense of “control” and specialness. For individuals with bulimia, bingeing and purging provides them a momentary feeling of comfort, “control,” or relief. For people struggling with binge eating, eating often feels like “an escape,” comforting, calming, or a way to numb out.
 
The reality is that eating disorder behaviors often provide short-term relief or satisfaction, and long-term feelings of increased depression, loneliness, and misery.
 
Let Yourself Feel
 
Eating disorder treatment involves a variety of tools and strategies for helping clients to reclaim their lives. However, one important element is helping them to learn how to identify, process, and cope with their emotions in ways that align with their life values.

Many of my clients struggle with being able to sit with themselves and their emotions. Often eating disorder behaviors are used as a way to try to regulate or distract from intense emotions. 
 
I often say to clients that trying to suppress our emotions, is kind of like trying to hold a beach ball under water. It takes a lot of effort and eventually the beach ball will fly up above the water with force.
 
As a culture, we are often not taught to express our emotions. However, emotions serve important functions in our lives, as they are signals of things that we need to pay attention to.

There is a quote that I love from Norah Wynne, which says "Feelings will not kill you. No one has ever died from experiencing an emotion, but people have died trying to stuff them down."

It’s important to share with clients that their eating disorder behaviors are often coping strategies that they are using to try to regulate their emotions. These behaviors may have helped them to get through some difficult and traumatic times, however they are also no longer serving them.
 
With treatment and support, people with eating disorders can learn how to heal their relationships with themselves, food, and their bodies.
 
They can also learn how to express and process their emotions, without the constant strain of trying to suppress or run from their feelings. Part of living a meaningful life is being able to experience all of one’s emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant.

One of the great privileges of doing this work is being able to see the light return into someone's eyes, for them to be exploring their true passions and interests, for their brain space to be no longer ruled with thoughts about food and their body. Full recovery and living according to your true values, is completely possible. 

An assignment to put this into practice:

• What emotions (if any) are you trying to push down, avoid, or distract from?
• What behaviors are you using to try not to experience this emotion?
• How is doing so serving you, and how is it not serving you?
• What would be on healthy way that you could process the emotions that you are experiencing, i.e. writing, an alterbook, talking to a friend, drawing, talking to a therapist?

The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com 

I was excited to get the chance to interview my amazing associate, Kate Dansie, MSW, LCSW-C.

​From the moment that I interviewed Kate, I knew immediately that I wanted to hire her to work on my team! 

Kate is compassionate and warm, highly knowledgable, and is incredibly skilled in helping individuals with eating disorders and/or obsessive compulsive disorder to find freedom.  

Jennifer: Tell me a little bit about yourself and what fueled your interest in helping people recover from eating disorders and OCD?
 
Kate: From a very young age I was interested in medicine. I seriously considered a career as a nurse or doctor, but my senior year of high school I took a psychology class, and I was hooked! I went on to study psychology in college, and found my counseling classes particularly fascinating. As I entered college, my own struggle with perfectionism, obsessive worry, and an eating disorder worsened, and I sought help from my college counseling center. It was this experience that was my biggest inspiration. 
 
Jennifer: Do you subscribe to a health at every size approach?
 
Kate: I absolutely do. I was initially introduced to Health at Every Size by another eating disorder therapist. Learning about HAES was life changing for me as I know it has been for countless others.
 
Jennifer: How would you describe your approach to OCD treatment?
 
Kate: When treating OCD, I use a combination of Mindfulness, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Exposure & Response Prevention. I think it is essential to provide psychoeducation about the illness, particularly at the beginning of treatment. For example, it is important to note that those with OCD are often very conscientious, and I like to clarify that our goals in treatment are not to make them less so, but rather to free them from intrusive thoughts and exhausting rituals. I also like to have people pick a name for the OCD so they can begin to distinguish between their own voice and the voice of the OCD. This is typically a fun thing to do and makes for a wonderful beginning of treatment.
 
Jennifer: What would you say are some of the biggest challenges and most rewarding aspects of your job?
 
Kate: It can be hard at times to see how many people struggle with eating disorders and OCD; however, as soon as they come in I am also already full of hope for them. I feel truly honored to walk alongside my patients as they recover. By far the most rewarding aspect of my job is when a patient comes in and shares a victory with me, no matter how big or small. My heart just swells in those moments.
 
Jennifer: What is one piece of advice that you would give someone who is struggling in their recovery?
 
Kate: I’d tell them to remember that they are not alone. There are many others out there struggling, and they do not need to feel ashamed of what they’re going through.  I’d also remind them that recovery is not a linear process. It can be easy to feel like the obstacles that you experience along the way are blocking the path to recovery, but they are the path to recovery.
 
Jennifer: What would you say are some common misconceptions when it comes to eating disorders?
 
Kate: There are so many. One of the biggest myths is that eating disorder only impact young, white females from a high socioeconomic status. This is not true at all. Eating disorders, just like any mental illness, do not discriminate and can impact individuals of any race, socioeconomic status, sex, and age. Another common myth is that eating disorders are about “vanity.” They are not. Eating disorders are diseases.
 
Jennifer: How would you describe your approach as an eating disorder therapist?
 
Kate: I tailor my treatment approach to each individual because everyone is unique. However, I enjoy drawing on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Family Systems Theory, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, and Dialectical-Behavior Therapy. Similar to the way I treat OCD, we begin to distinguish between the voice of the eating disorder and the healthy self. We identify rules set by the eating disorder self. Then, we design small experiments to begin breaking them and test the hypothesis that their eating disorder might be telling lies.

We live in a society where “You look great, have you lost weight?” is unfortunately seen as a normal greeting. 

Recently, I went to a party where comments about people’s bodies and weight seemed to be the initial topics of conversation. I overheard numerous conversations congratulating others for their weight loss or thinness.

I truly believe that people often do not intend to hurt others by exclaiming, “You look so thin, that’s awesome,” or “Did you lose weight? How great,” or even, “You got bigger.” In light of that, the following are three reasons why you should never comment on someone’s weight.

1. You cannot tell anything about a person’s health, happiness or life circumstances based on their weight.

We live in a society where often weight loss is perceived as “good” and weight gain is seen as “bad.” This fundamental assumption is inherently flawed. Weight loss and gain tells you nothing about a person’s health, happiness, habits, or life circumstances. The person that you are praising for their weight loss could be suffering from a life-threatening eating disorder, cancer, depression, grief, the diet-binge cycle, intense self-hatred, or numerous other issues. The person that you are judging for their weight gain may be happy, healthy, in recovery from an eating disorder, finally letting go of the diet mentality, etc.

Being thin is not “good” and being fat is not “bad.” There shouldn’t be this sense of morality surrounding weight. Additionally, our bodies are meant to change throughout our lives. This is part of being a human being and nothing to be ashamed of. All bodies are good bodies, but more importantly people’s worth is not based upon their weight or shape.

2. Weight-related comments can be highly triggering for people.

There are so many examples of how weight-related comments can trigger people. For instance, we know that for those in recovery from an eating disorder, weight-related comments can be incredibly triggering and can serve to fuel their disorder or cause a relapse. It’s also important to note that you cannot tell who has an eating disorder based on their physical appearance. People with eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes.

Let’s say that someone has simply lost weight on a diet and you applaud them on their “weight loss.” Since we know that diets have around a 95% “failure” rate when it comes to maintaining weight loss in the long-term, this “praise” will only serve to make them feel worse when they inevitably gain the weight back. This can serve to perpetuate the diet-binge cycle, which has been shown to have highly detrimental effects in regards to people’s health and happiness.

3. It shifts focus away from things that are actually important.

I am sometimes struck by how I can be among a group of ambitious successful women who have amazing careers and are raising children, yet the conversation is primarily focused around dieting and weight-related concerns. These are women who have achieved incredible things and yet they are choosing to focus on something so trivial and meaningless. I do not blame them, as this is largely a cultural and societal issue.

Body image issues and diet-culture impact people of all genders. However, I do think that particularly as women it’s important to note that a focus on these issues often keeps us from “playing big” in other areas of our lives. Diet-culture and a fixation on thinness actually rose in prominence around the time that women began to gain more political rights in our society.
​
Additionally, It’s sad to me that people will approach someone that they haven’t seen in a long time and the first comment that they think to make is about the individual’s weight. What if instead you asked them about their passions, their relationships, and how they are doing in general? There are so many more important and interesting things to focus on than a person’s weight or eating habits.

What to Say if Someone Comments on Your Weight

The following are some simple suggestions for what you can say if someone comments on your weight.

“You look great! Did you lose weight?”

- I choose not to focus on my weight. There are so many more interesting things about me.
- No clue. I don’t weigh myself. So how has your family been?
- I feel great and that’s all that matters.
- Nope. I just look and feel great.
- That question honestly makes me pretty uncomfortable, as I try not to focus on my weight as a barometer of my worth.

“Have you gained weight since I last saw you?”

- I’m happy and healthy, thanks for noticing.
- Is weight something that you focus on?
- No clue. I don’t tie my self-worth to a number on a scale.
- I’m trying not to focus on my weight, so I’d rather you not comment on it.
- Yep! (with a smile).
- I don’t think that’s an appropriate question. My body is nobody else’s business.

Ultimately, your worth and your value do not come from your appearance, the number on a scale, or your body. Your value lies in the kindness that you extend to others, the spark in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, and your relationships. You are enough, just as you are.
 
The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com ​​​

Dealing with body image during pregnancy and during the postpartum period is difficult for any woman.  But when you are in recovery from an eating disorder, adjusting to and dealing with all the bodily changes during and after pregnancy can be completely overwhelming. 
 
As a new mother, and someone who struggled with an eating disorder for many years, I know the struggle of dealing with body image during pregnancy and postpartum very well.  At the time I became pregnant, I had four solid years of full recovery under my belt, and thought that my pregnancy would be a breeze body-image wise.  Unfortunately, that was not the case.  I still struggled with seeing my clothes get too tight, watching my body change, and feeling all of the physical effects of pregnancy.  Postpartum, it was difficult to look at my body when it still appeared to be pregnant for a long time, even though it wasn’t.
 
In our society, we are so often bombarded with images and news stories of celebrities “bouncing back” from childbirth and debuting their seemingly perfect bikini bodies on the beach or on the red carpet just weeks after giving birth.  It seems that they were never even pregnant at all.  We feel the pressure to give birth to our babies and then jump on the bandwagon of diets and exercise plans to lose the baby weight and “get our bodies back”.  I am here to tell you that what we see in the media is a lie, and the last thing we need to be focusing on in the early days of motherhood is dieting and punishing our bodies for giving us the most precious gift we will ever receive.
 
If you are pregnant, are a new mother, or plan to become pregnant in the future, here are a few ideas to think about and ways to navigate the pregnancy/postpartum body image challenges:
 
1. Focus on Body-Acceptance and Body-Appreciation
​
When our bodies are changing, whether it is due to pregnancy or not, it can seem impossible to imagine getting to a place where we can say, “Wow, I LOVE my body”.  Instead of focusing on getting to a place of body-love, it can help to rather focus on getting to a place of body-acceptance and body-appreciation.  During my pregnancy, it was very helpful to shift my focus from my body’s appearance to the amazing things my body was doing to grow and nourish my baby girl.  When I would start to feel uneasy about how my body looked, I would start thanking it for taking such good care of the little baby inside me.  After my daughter was born, I began to focus on appreciating my body for being able to produce milk to nourish her, and also just focusing on my caring for my daughter rather than focusing on my body’s perceived flaws. 
 
Here are some examples of things you might think or say to yourself:
 
During pregnancy:  
 
“I accept that my body is doing what it needs to do to grow a healthy baby.”
 
“I know that my body needs to grow and change to accommodate this little human inside of me.” 
 
“I appreciate my body for allowing me to grow and nourish this baby.” 
 
Postpartum: 
 
“My body just went through growing and birthing a baby and needs time to recover.”
 
“It took my body nine months to expand to accommodate my growing child, and it is going to take even longer for it to get used to its new normal.”
 
“I accept my body just as it is, even though it is different.”
 
“I am so grateful to my body for giving me this precious gift and I won’t punish it by trying to make it look like it used to.”
 
2. Clean Out the Closet and Go Shopping EARLY!

Another thing that is very important is to make sure that you pack up, put away, or get rid of clothes that are already fitted or will become too small BEFORE THEY BECOME TOO SMALL!  Even though I knew my clothes were going to get too tight and no longer fit my pregnant body, it was still distressing when I would put them on and notice that they were tighter or had become too small.  Go ahead and shop for looser fitting clothes for the earlier days of pregnancy and get some maternity clothes in your closet early so you have options when you need them!  (**If finances are a concern, there are a lot of consignment stores that sell maternity clothing, as well as folks on platforms like Facebook Marketplace looking to get rid of their maternity clothing for free or at a low price!)
 
After giving birth, our bodies need time to recover.  I was still wearing some maternity clothes six months after giving birth!  I also knew that my pre-pregnancy pants would be tight, so I went shopping for new ones and did not even try on the old ones!  Make sure that you don’t rush to get back into pre-pregnancy clothes and focus on wearing clothes that fit your body right where it is.  That may mean wearing looser fitting clothes or buying a larger size in pants in order to feel comfortable! 
 
3. Focus on your values!

Throughout my pregnancy and postpartum journey, I had many moments where I would start thinking about how unhappy I was with my body.  In those moments, turning my attention to my values was SO helpful.  What is important to me?  My daughter, my family, my recovery, my job, my spirituality, joy, and peace.  If I continued to focus on my body and wanting to change it, my energy and attention would be taken away from everything I value.  Instead of spending energy trying to change your body, focus on what matters to you and make decisions that bring you closer to THOSE things.
 
4. Get support!!

I cannot stress this one enough.  After taking a break from therapy for several years, I decided during my pregnancy to go back.  Not because things were terrible, but because I knew that I wanted to do everything I could to keep myself in the best shape mentally and emotionally that I could.  Whether your support team includes professionals or not, find your “tribe”.  These people could be friends, family members, partners, a local mom’s group, church members, or anyone else that you can think of to include.  The early days of motherhood are TOUGH and it is so important to have people around who can be a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or just someone to hold the baby while you shower and take a nap!
 
You see, you don’t need to get your body “back”.  Your body never left!  This body is STILL my body.  It is strong. It is capable.  My body’s so-called 'imperfections' tell the story of the amazing things it has done for me, and so do yours.  In fact, I am learning to love and appreciate my body more now than I EVER did before because it gave me the greatest gift I could ever have hoped for, my sweet baby girl. 
 
Lauren Hill is a counselor in Wilmington, NC who specializes in working with clients struggling with eating disorders, addiction, depression, and anxiety.  She is also in long-term recovery from an eating disorder and volunteers as a Walk Coordinator for the National Eating Disorders Association.  She also serves as a social media intern for Jennifer Rollin MSW, LCSW-C.  (Follow her for recovery inspiration on Instagram @lauren_hill_lpca)

​While mental health has been a hot topic in the media recently, there is still a lot of stigma around the idea of struggling with a mental illness.
 
Many people struggle with feelings of shame when it comes to struggling with their mental health. This is perfectly understandable given the amount of stigma in society. However, would you feel shame around struggling with hypothyroidism or an autoimmune disease?
 
There’s still this pervasive myth about mental illness that they are simply “choices,” that depression is just about “feeling sad,” that anxiety is just about worrying, and that eating disorders are “just about wanting to be thin” or a “diet gone too far.”
 
These myths could not be further from the truth. No one would ever choose to struggle with suicidal thoughts. No one would want to feel unable to get out of bed or to lack the energy to even make a cup of coffee. No one would ask to struggle with intense anxiety and constant thoughts around food and their body. No one would say, “I want to struggle with binge eating where I feel completely possessed and eat until I feel physically uncomfortable. And then feel incredible guilt and shame after.”
 
Mental illnesses are not choices. The same way that physical illnesses are not choices.
 
Why is it that people often don’t feel shame about saying they are going to see a doctor for their physical health, but for some sharing that you see a psychiatrist or a therapist can feel stigmatizing?
 
Why is it that when someone is diagnosed with a serious physical health condition, often people bring food or call them to offer support. However, if someone has a child in the psychiatric unit-the response is generally not as supportive.
 
Why is it that insurance companies often will cover physical health conditions but deny or shorten coverage of life-saving eating disorder residential treatment stays?
 
There are many people who are informed about mental health and are happy to support those who are struggling, however ultimately the amount of stigma in our society is still a very pervasive issue.

The same way that it's important to meet with a doctor to take care of your physical health needs. It is crucial to take care of your mental health, whether that involves setting boundaries with certain people, seeing a therapist, taking psychiatric medication, or doing activities that improve your mental health.
 
You Are Not A Burden
 
Additionally, many of my clients share with me that they struggle with feeling like because of their mental health challenges that they are “a burden” to their loved ones.
 
However, would you call yourself a burden to your family if you had a broken leg or an autoimmune disease?
 
You are not a burden. You deserve support, and the fact that you are struggling with a mental illness is not your fault.

Further, reaching out for help when you are struggling is not a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of courage.  
 
We don’t get to choose our brain chemistry, and struggling with a mental illness can be incredibly tough. However, with access to treatment and support individuals can go on to lead productive and purpose-filled lives.

People struggling with mental illness are ultimately some of the  most intelligent, resilient, brave, and compassionate people that I know.

 
The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com ​​​

I was running errands with my son this morning and we drove past a gym with a giant billboard that reads "summer bodies are made here." A while later I hopped on my emails to read one that tells me how I need to 'cleanse regularly.'

​This evening I was in the checkout at the grocery store and the cashier was having a conversation with the woman in front of me about her new venture into "clean eating." I waited patiently with my combo pizza, chocolate cake and vanilla ice cream.

This is all an example of diet culture and a great example of what is very wrong with how we view the concept of well-being.

A good friend of mine told me recently that she was about to sign up for a yoga retreat when the owner let her know it probably wasn't the best idea because "yoga is difficult for people with larger bodies." This is an example of the very real issue of weight stigma and fat-phobia. 

Diet culture surrounds us everywhere. Starting a new diet, beginning a new workout program, going on a cleanse (shout-out to my liver and kidneys for making this totally unnecessary!), it can all seem harmless enough however there are a lot of negative side effects that come along with it. I could share the research, I could offer the scientific data, I could show you study after study but I think whats more important is to really take a look at how these approaches make us feel about our worth.

What happens when my son grows up reading billboards everywhere telling him he needs to change his body because summer is coming? What happens to the person who goes on a diet and develops a life-threatening eating disorder (in part due to genetic/temperamental roots)? Or to the person who starts to believe that their value lies in the size of their body? How would you feel if you were told you probably shouldn't do something because someone had a bias against your body shape and size? 

As an eating disorder recovery coach for The Eating Disorder Center, I work with clients who are in recovery from eating disorders. Diet culture plays into their eating disorder on a daily basis.

So what does that look like? It looks like isolation, a living hell and treatment costing up to $30k a month. It looks like time away from their family, lost friendships and being constantly preoccupied with thoughts about food, body and weight. It looks like shame, exhaustion and a constant battle against diet culture.

Those in recovery are the bravest and strongest people I know. They're fighting an eating disorder in a culture that very much normalizes disordered eating.

The thing about diet culture is It's tricky, it's sneaky and it's created by us. Some of us may not even know we are playing into it and that's the reason I encourage you to get curious. Challenge your beliefs, your biases and your approaches. 

I think one of the most important things to remember is that it's not black and white. There is room for veggies and quinoa and pizza and cake. There is room for movement and rest. There is room for large bodies, small bodies, short bodies, tall bodies and every body in between. A lot of times this makes people uncomfortable. It isn't sexy. It doesn't sell. It doesn't fit into a clean box. You can't wrap it up in a pretty marketing strategy and make $60 billion off of it. That's a tough sale.

But know this, the more we get curious, honest and real about what diet culture is the more we can fight it.

​The more we can educate, stand up to it and challenge it, the more likely someone can gain their life back.
​
If you are struggling know that you are not alone. Reaching out for help is so brave.
​

Many of my clients in recovery from eating disorders struggle with “black and white thinking.”

If you are struggling with this you are definitely not alone. 
 
Here are some common examples of eating disorder thoughts that are also “black and white,” or “all or nothing thinking.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I didn’t exercise today and I ate a cookie. I’m going to the other extreme and becoming an unhealthy person.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I ate a donut today, which is one of my number one fear food. I can’t possibly be that sick anymore.”
 
Eating Disorder Thought: “I just ate a brownie, so I’ve already failed at my diet for today. Might as well go finish off the rest of them and then I’ll be good tomorrow.”
 
The Function of Black and White Thinking
 
Black and white thinking provides a (false) sense of certainty and “control.” It simplifies life into deceptively neat little boxes where things become either “all good” or “all bad.”
 
However, the reality is that recovery and life are lived in the grey zone. Both are messy (rather than neat little boxes), and filled with a variety of different shades.
 
The problem is that when we stay stuck in black and white thinking, we miss out on an assortment of possibilities.
 
Black and white thinking actually narrows our focus and if you struggle with an eating disorder, can make your world increasingly small.
 
Challenging Black and White Thinking
 
It’s important to note that your eating disorder will say anything in order to keep itself alive. However, just because you have a thought does not mean that it is true.
 
The following concept comes from Carolyn Costin, a therapist and the founder of Monte Nido. Essentially, it’s about responding to your eating disorder thoughts from your “healthy” or “true self” in the moment.
 
It can sometimes be helpful to write the thoughts out and to make sure that you are ending the dialogue on “the healthy self.”

Some Examples
 
Eating Disorder Self; “I didn’t exercise today and I ate a cookie. I’m going to the other extreme and becoming an unhealthy person.”
 
Healthy Self: Not exercising for a day and eating a cookie are both normal and healthy things to do. Your body deserves to rest and you deserve to eat food that you enjoy. Neither of these things will make you “unhealthy.”
 
 
Eating Disorder Self: “I ate a donut today, which is one of my number one fear food. I can’t possibly be that sick anymore.”
 
Healthy Self: It’s awesome that you challenged yourself! However, just because you had a great day in recovery-doesn’t mean that you are suddenly “fine.”
 
 
Eating Disorder Self: “I just ate a brownie, so I’ve already failed at my diet for today. Might as well go finish off the rest of them and then I’ll be good tomorrow.”
 
Healthy Self: All foods can fit into a healthy diet. You didn’t “fail” by eating a brownie. Try to tune into what you actually want right now, rather than simply listening to what you’re eating disorder is telling you to do.


If you are struggling to come up with “healthy self” thoughts, it can be helpful to think about what you’d tell a loved one (or even a child) who said something similar. It's unlikely that you would say some of the cruel and punishing things that you say to yourself, to someone that you love.
 
It Takes Practice
 
If your automatic default setting is one of “black and white thinking,” it’s important to be patient with yourself in this process.
 
It’s just like learning any other skill. You wouldn’t sit down at the piano and expect to be able to play it right away, so try to be compassionate with yourself that it may take some time to learn more helpful thinking patterns.
 
However, with time and practice you can actually rewire the neural pathways in your brain, until eventually your new “automatic default setting" is healthier and more helpful thinking patterns.
 
​
The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com ​

In my work as a therapist with people struggling with eating disorders, some describe their eating disorder as feeling like “a friend.” To those who don’t struggle with eating disorders, this might seem confusing.
​
However, often to the person who is struggling, their eating disorder may feel like a source of  "companionship,” “comfort,” “something that makes me feel special,” and “that is always there for me.”

Your eating disorder has served some purpose for you, or you wouldn’t engage in the behaviors.

However, it’s important to note that eating disorders often provide short-term feelings of “comfort,” and “anxiety-relief,” with long-term feelings of isolation, depression, and misery.

Your Eating Disorder Is Like a Toxic Friendship

The reality is that your eating disorder is like an incredibly toxic friendship. Your eating disorder threatens that if you decide to leave, your life will be in shambles.

Your eating disorder tells you that you will be unhappy without it.

Your eating disorder promises you comfort, connection, and specialness and it may give you those feelings in the short-term.

However, in the long-term, it only serves to make you more isolated, lonely, disconnected, and isolated from the people that you care about. An eating disorder often starts to become your primary relationship and your other relationships may start to suffer.

Eating disorders may promise to make you feel “special” and “unique.” However, the reality is that the deeper you are into an eating disorder, the more you become a carbon copy of everyone else who is struggling with an eating disorder.

An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and replaces it with an illness.

I posted something on Instagram which helps to explain why eating disorders are like toxic (or even abusive) friendships, it said:

Your enjoyment of family dinners

Your sense of humor

Your ability to feel happy

Your friendships

Your passions

Your fertility

Your health

You strong bones

Your shiny hair

Your confidence

Your freedom

Your life

What will your eating disorder take from you if you continue to stay sick?

Eating disorders are not a choice. But you can choose to take the first step towards recovery, today.

If You Are Afraid To Let Go Of Your Eating Disorder

If you are afraid of letting go of your eating disorder and starting to take steps towards recovery, I’d ask you to make a list of what your life could look like 5 years from now if you stay sick, vs. 5 years from now if you recovered.

The reality is that you can always go back to your eating disorder. But what if you tried something different this time? You know how to have an eating disorder, but what if you gave recovery a try? You will not regret it.

Have you ever been in a toxic friendship, and when the friendship finally ended you felt free?

This is ultimately how you will feel when you recover. Your life will no longer be dictated and controlled by this eating disorder yelling in your head.

​You will be able to explore your true passions, build and strengthen relationships, and feel a sense of freedom and peace.


The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, and bulimia, and body image issues. We also offer therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney,  Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com 

When I decided that I wanted to hire someone to work with me in my practice, I received many applications and conducted a lot of interviews.

After I interviewed, Hanna Kuyper, I knew immediately that she was the person who I wanted to hire. I asked her to do a "role-play" session with me and she completely  knocked it out of the park! I almost offered her the position on the spot. 

Hanna is compassionate, smart, kind, and highly knowledgeable when it comes to helping people to recover from eating disorders and body image issues.

I was so excited to do an interview with my amazing new contractor, Hanna Kuyper, eating disorder recovery coach, who works with people worldwide via video (Zoom). 

Jennifer: Tell me a little bit about yourself and what fueled your interest in helping people to recover from eating disorders?

Hanna: Well, the most important roles in my life are as a mama and a wife. I have been married to my husband for four years and we have a sweet one year old. I am just finishing up my Master's degree in Counseling Psychology with a speciality in Eating Disorders and Body Image. I previously served on the board of the nonprofit, Body Revolution, dedicated to advocating for those with eating disorders. In 2015, I opened my own studio iamwell, a community dedicated to helping women create a healthy relationship with food and their bodies I also created and ran women's groups that focused on body image, self compassion and intuitive eating.

I am beyond passionate about helping people to recover from eating disorders and body image issues. I personally struggled with an eating disorder and now being on other side and being recovered, I couldn’t imagine doing anything other than helping people in their journey. Feeling true freedom in my own life fuels me to help others experience the same. When you have struggled with an eating disorder for so long you don’t always know that there is a life outside of your disorder. However, there is SO much you get to experience as you leave your eating disorder behind and step into your true self. It is such an amazing thing.
 
Jennifer: What would you say are some common misconceptions when it comes to eating disorders?
 
Hanna: Through my time in this field and also struggling with my own eating disorder in the past, I have come to learn that there are a lot of misconceptions and lack of awareness when it comes to eating disorders. Some of the misconceptions I hear are

1. Eating Disorders only affect a certain population
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Eating Disorders can affect anyone from any population. I think we have this bias that only white, middle class, thin females are affected. When in reality it’s males, females, people in higher weight bodies, people involved in particular sports, individuals experiencing high levels of stress, adolescents, adults and everywhere in between. Eating disorders affect a wide range of individuals and you cannot determine that based on someone's appearance.
 
2. Eating Disorders aren’t serious

There is still a lot of work to do in the community to educate on what Eating Disorders are and just how serious they are. Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate over any other mental illness. They are more than a diet gone too far and more than telling someone to ‘just eat more’ or ‘just eat less’.  Which brings me to my next point……
 
3.  It’s all about the food

This is a tough one because although it is about the food, it’s also not about the food. There’s a strong relationship to trauma and the development of eating disorders as well as genetics, perfectionism and other personality traits. Eating disorders are complex and a lot of the time a coping mechanism for something much deeper that needs to be worked through.
 
Jennifer: How would you describe your approach as an eating disorder recovery coach?

Hanna: As a coach I am very action focused while still holding compassion for my clients. I tailor each session based on clients individual needs and enjoy setting goals and utilizing effective strategies. I create an atmosphere where clients can be vulnerable and feel safe to grow and challenge themselves. I like to be authentic and provide a space for my clients to do the same. Every person's journey is different but going through my own journey in the past allows me to walk alongside my clients with a compassionate heart  knowing they have the ability to overcome this illness and fully recover.
 
Jennifer: Do you subscribe to a health at every size approach?

Hanna: I am a strong believer in health at every size. Unfortunately we have a stigma around body size and shape and think that thin=healthy and larger body=unhealthy. Health at every size encourages embracing body diversity and respecting the idea that we are all unique and different. It's also important to note that your body size says nothing about your worth or value as a person.
 
Jennifer: For those who don't know about your role as an eating disorder recovery coach. What is eating disorder recovery coaching?

Hanna: Eating disorder recovery coaching is a powerful added support to therapy (or may be appropriate as a stand-alone service for those who are struggling with disordered eating, body image issues, or are further along in their recovery). If a client is working with other professionals, I am happy to collaborate with them. Many individuals in recovery benefit from having more support than a once-a-week therapy session, and a recovery coach can be a great addition to a treatment team.

Recovery coaching is present-focused and action-oriented. I love setting goals with clients and helping them to take steps in their recovery. When you work with me as an eating disorder recovery coach, it includes weekly video sessions via Zoom, as well as email support between sessions. This can be incredibly helpful for those who are struggling and in need of additional support.

I love being an eating disorder recovery coach, because I am able to work with people all over the world! This helps me to reach people who might not have much access to support in their communities. 
 
Jennifer: What would you say are some of the biggest challenges and most rewarding aspects of your job?

Hanna: My biggest challenge is that I want to change the world! Ha! I have so much passion for this area that I have to remind myself to take it one step at a time. There is so much education that needs to be done and so many more resources that need to be offered it could be an endless job. Being able to connect with like minded professionals that want to make a change and create a shift has been so fun and encouraging.

There is no way I could answer what the most rewarding part of this job is because there are SO many. Having the honor to be able to walk alongside someone in their recovery journey is amazing. Seeing an individual gain their life back is incredible. I couldn’t imagine working in any other field.
 
Jennifer: How is your life as a recovered person different from your life in an eating disorder?

Hanna: There is so much freedom. I am able to explore who my authentic self is, what my beliefs are and what I value. My life is now full of things I truly value like family, relationships, connection, adventure and so much more, including good food!
 
Jennifer: What is one piece of advice that you would give someone who is struggling in their recovery?

Hanna: Allow yourself to go through the process. When I first started my recovery journey I thought that every slip up meant I had to start over again. It was exhausting and I felt like a failure. My (at the time boyfriend) now husband told me in one of my self pity moments that I was allowed to make mistakes. I was allowed to struggle. I was allowed to not be perfect. It sounds so simple but really giving yourself permission to go through the process is empowering. Often individuals who are struggling with an eating disorder have a tendency to think in black and white terms. Recovery is not black and white. Recovery is messy, complicated, confusing and sometimes exhausting. However, every day we show up we grow a little more. Eventually those small victories, the small growing pains, the small changes we don’t even see happen….they turn into recovery.