By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C Struggling with ambivalence in eating disorder recovery is so common. However, it can be a real stuck point on the road to recovery so it’s crucial to be able to work through the ambivalence with a skilled eating disorder therapist. So many folks struggling with eating disorders are caught in a state of ambivalence i.e having mixed or contradicting feelings about recovery and at The Eating Disorder Center, an outpatient eating disorder therapy practice based in Rockville, Maryland, this is something that we help our clients to move through so that they can reach full recovery. Many clients with eating disorders struggle with anosognosia-essentially where they can’t see how ill they truly are. That coupled with a society fraught with anti-fat bias and diet culture can make it easy for folks to feel ambivalent about the recovery process. Often there is a part of them that wants to recover and a part of them that feels pulled to continue in the eating disorder. Some Tips for Working Through Ambivalence in Recovery: 1.Ask yourself what your life will look like 5 years from now if you stay stuck in an eating disorder vs. five years from now if you fully recover. Get descriptive and detailed. 2.Reflect on your worst eating disorder day and journal about how that felt for you. 3.Explore with a therapist the factors that are strengthening the part of you that may feel a pull to the eating disorder, and see how you can diminish ones that are within your control i.e. finding healthier ways to get your needs met. 4.Explore your true values vs. the eating disorder’s values. List out the ways that the eating disorder may keep you from your true values. What is the cost to your life if you stay stuck in an eating disorder? 5.Recognize that you can FEEL ambivalent AND take recovery actions anyways. Feelings are not facts and it may take some time for your mind to catch up once you begin to challenge the behaviors. 6.Reflect on what prompted you to want to recover from your eating disorder in the first place-and work to connect with and strengthen that part of you. 7.Lean on your support people and your treatment team in moments when ambivalence may be telling you to ‘throw in the towel on recovery.” The Bottom Line Ultimately you deserve a full life. One that you cannot have if you stay stuck in an eating disorder. If you are struggling-consider reaching out for help. You deserve to be free from this and to live a life according to your true values. Full recovery is 100 percent possible. Book a free 15 minute phone consultation for virtual eating disorder therapy throughout Maryland and Virginia. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, and California, serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Newport Beach, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Megan Samuels, LMSW, Outreach Coordinator A thinking trap, also known as a cognitive distortion, can be a way that your perception or interpretation of something (such as an event) is driving an irrational or unhelpful thought. Here are some common cognitive distortions that I hear from clients who are struggling with food and/or body.
The first step to working on thinking traps is to educate yourself about them and then to identify them when they come up for you. This could look like having a thought and then reminding yourself that this thought is a thinking trap. Once you get comfortable identifying and acknowledging thinking trap thoughts, you can begin to counter them with a more helpful statement. This could be a direct statement or a distraction from the thinking trap. For example, if you had the thinking trap thought of, “I shouldn’t be eating this food,” then you can counter it by saying something like, “all foods can fit into my life and although this food may be scary, it will not hurt me.” We also have an All Foods Fit Guide that may help you come up with a more helpful statement - check it out! You can also distract yourself from the thinking trap. This could look like having the thought, “I shouldn’t be eating this food,” and then redirecting yourself to watch TV, talk to a friend, or engage in self-care. By doing this, you are essentially not giving more attention to the unhelpful thinking trap thought. In turn, using a more helpful counter statement or a distraction technique can decrease the anxiety, depression, and eating disorder urges that may be fueled by that unhelpful thought. Activity: Let’s practice by looking at the three types of thinking traps that I outlined above. Below you will see each of the three thinking traps and some questions to start with.
These are just a few ways to tackle those pesky thoughts that may be contributing to anxiety, depression, and eating disorder urges. This process derives from a therapy modality called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This type of therapy is often used in the treatment of eating disorders. Want more? All of our therapists and coaches at the Eating Disorder Center use this modality alongside other modalities and have received additional training specific to the treatment of eating disorders. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, and California, serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Newport Beach, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com
By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LSCW-C  In my opinion, connection is one of the main reasons that we are here. We are hard-wired to want to connect with others, as back in the day our survival often hinged on traveling in groups. Plus, as infants we relied on our caregivers in order to get our basic needs met. Connection, relationships, and a sense of belonging, are natural and hard-wired human needs. My Eating Disorder Days When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I had other relationships. I had a boyfriend, friends, and family members who I spent time with. The problem was, I wasn’t 100 percent there. And as my illness progressed-I wasn’t even 50% present in my relationships. Out to dinner with my boyfriend, my mind was racing about calories, fat content, and anxiety about gaining weight. I couldn’t tell you conversations that we had or even ‘fun’ memories that were made because they were all so colored by the misery that is living with an eating disorder. My brain was consumed with constant thoughts of food, weight, exercise, and my body-there wasn't room for much else. Eventually, spending time with people became less frequent. People often wanted to get together around food and not feeling ‘in control’ of what would be served (by putting my safe foods together myself) threw me into a panic. My eating disorder began to isolate me from other people, while at the same time promising that it was my ‘friend’ and would provide me ‘comfort.’ Sure, it gave me a false sense of security in the short term-but in the long term it made me increasingly anxious, depressed, and isolated. One of the many devastating things about eating disorders is that they can cause increased disconnection and isolation. My Relationships Now This past year or so has been a tough year when it comes to connection. The pandemic and social isolation has been tough for many-and I definitely missed the in-person connection. That being sad, my relationships are completely different now because I am actually able to be present for them. I have wonderful memories of trips that I’ve gone on with my fiancé, lunches and dinners with friends, and quality time spent with family. I have so much more brain space, my memories are no longer tainted by an eating disorder, and I am able to be much more present in my relationships. Journal Questions: 1.What qualities are important to you in a relationship i.e. friendship/significant other etc? 2.Think of one person in your life (past or present) who you are grateful for. Explain why. 3.Thinking about the relationships in your life-do you long to have more relationships or deeper relationships? If so, how might that benefit you? 4.If you are in recovery, does your eating disorder impact your relationships? How so? 5.Think of 2 people who you could reach out to and connect with and make a plan to do so within the next week (a text asking them how they are doing counts!) 6.Think of 1 recovery goal that you could set, which could have the side benefit of improving your relationships i.e. challenging yourself. to go to lunch with a friend. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, Pennsylvania, and California, serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Newport Beach, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Megan Samuels, Assistant to The Eating Disorder Center Eating disorders are often accompanied with behaviors. Some behaviors include restricting, binging, and/or purging. These behaviors can arise with intense emotions (such as sadness, loneliness, anger, etc.). Eating disorder behaviors are not “fun”. People struggling do not choose to use these behaviors, the eating disorder chooses and that is often already hard-wired into our brains. As the eating disorder evolves, it chooses certain ways to protect us from those intense emotions or anything in life that is too much to handle. An aspect in recovery that you may choose to work on with your therapist or treatment team is understanding the role that your eating disorder played in your life and how it protects/protected you, also acknowledging all of the harmful aspects of eating disorder behaviors. There are a couple of go-to strategies that I like to use, one of which being creating time between the urge and the behavior (also known as the action). This could mean when I recognize the urge to purge, I will decide to do five coping skills first. The hope is that some coping skills could help soothe the intense emotions and use the behavior with more time after the urge or not use the behavior at all. Some coping skills I like to use are coloring, collaging, knitting, texting a friend, and putting my weighted blanket on me. I often like to think of this skill as a pause button. For example, let’s say you get an undesirable grade on an exam. You begin to have feelings of anger (at how difficult the exam was) and disappointment (that you let your parents down). You decide that you are going to go to the nearest grocery store and buy a bunch of binge food and then eat all of it in one sitting. PAUSE (this is where the skill comes in). The first step is recognizing that you have an urge to use a behavior (in this case it is to binge). Next, I like to actually say the word “pause” out loud to myself. This can allow your body to slow down and realize that you have some control in the next few decisions that you make. Then, you separate urge and action. This could be telling yourself that you will call and talk to a recovery friend before going to the store. While you are on the phone with a recovery friend, you can practice talking through your anger and disappointment from the exam and you ride the waves of those emotions without feeling the need to go to the grocery store and binge. After talking to your recovery friend, you may feel much better and continue on with your day, acknowledging how proud you are of yourself for standing up to the eating disorder and working on your recovery journey. Give this skill a try for yourself and see what you think! **Please note that bingeing is a resilient response to coping-even if it's no longer serving you. Try to practice compassion for yourself if you do end up bingeing, rather than beating yourself up. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also offer eating disorder therapy virtually throughout Maryland, Virginia, Florida, Pennsylvania and New York. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By: Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  It’s so common that for people struggling with eating disorders there may be a sense of ambivalence. Often, part of them wants to hold onto the eating disorder, and another part of them desperately wants to be free from it. In terms of building your motivation to want to get help, or to continue to work on recovery, it can be important to look at what your eating disorder is keeping you from. Eating disorders steal people’s lives. They promise to give you comfort and companionship. However, the reality is that they only provide short-term feelings of “comfort,” or “anxiety-relief,” with long-term feelings of misery and increased anxiety. As an eating disorder therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, MD, I work to help people to start to separate out their true values vs. the values of their eating disorder. Myself and my team help clients to learn new ways of coping-and address both the eating disorder symptoms and the underlying issues. Eating Disorder Values Vs. True Values One exercise to start getting clear on your “eating disorder” values vs. your true values is to make a quick list of the things that your “eating disorder values.” For instance, your eating disorder may value things like, “thinness,” “having a sense of control,” or “numbing out emotions.” Next, it’s important to look at your true values. For instance, one way to start to look at this would be to ask yourself, “What do I want to be remembered for?” or “At the end of my life, I will feel that I have lived according to my values if..” Another question that you can ask yourself is "at my 90th birthday, what would I want people to be saying about me?" Then, come up with a list of the things that are actually meaningful to you. For instance, maybe you value having meaningful relationships, family, and your career. What Is Your Eating Disorder Keeping You From? Lastly, I want you to get very clear on ways in which your eating disorder or body-shame might be keeping you from your actual values. For instance, often when someone is struggling with an eating disorder-it becomes their primary relationship and their other relationships start to suffer. Eating disorders also promise that they make you “unique and special,” however they actually turn you into a carbon copy of others who are struggling with the same illness. The reality is that they take away the traits and qualities that actually make you special, and replace them with an illness. You have so much more to offer the world than your disordered thoughts and behaviors. One way to examine this further is to make a list of what your life could look like 5 years from now if you are recovered from your eating disorder, vs. 5 years from now if you stay trapped in this illness. Self-Compassion It’s so important to be kind to yourself. It’s not your fault that you are struggling with an eating disorder. Eating disorders are mental illnesses, not something that anyone would choose to struggle with. No one would choose to feel intense anxiety at the thought of eating at a restaurant, to binge eat until they feel sick and ashamed, to be caught in the exhausting cycle of bingeing and purging, to suffer from health complications. It’s not your fault and it’s not a choice, however you can make the brave choice to work on recovery from this. Ultimately, looking at your “life values” can help you to recognize that doing the work to heal your relationship to food and your body, will have a big pay-off. I don’t know about you, but at the end of my life-I don’t think that people will be reminiscing and sharing that they remember me fondly for my size ___ jeans or for my appearance. What I want to be remembered for is the kindness that I extended to others, the way that I pursue my passions, my relationships, and how I worked to advocate and treat those struggling with eating disorders and body shame. If your eating disorder is keeping you from your true values-I’d encourage you to take the first step towards seeking help. Seeking help when you are struggling is a sign of true strength, not weakness. You deserve a meaningful and joyful life. We have immediate openings right now for eating disorder therapy in:
Maryland, Florida, and Pennsylvania. And recovery coaching worldwide. Click this link to schedule a free 15 min consultation. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Virginia, New York, Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C If you're reading this, it's likely that you've tried a whole bunch of strategies to get rid of unhelpful thoughts and uncomfortable emotions-and they haven't actually worked in the long term. There are often two commonalities when it comes to folks who are actively struggling with eating disorders and eating disorder thoughts: 1. Often folks actively struggling with eating disorders are very fused to their eating disorder thoughts i.e. they believe them to be true, they take action in alignment with them-they may not even see them as 'thoughts.' 2. Often folks use eating disorder behaviors as subconscious coping strategies-for things like difficult emotions, uncomfortable thoughts, trauma, experiences of oppression, relational and attachment struggles etc. (To be clear eating disorders are NOT choices-they are serious mental illnesses). Acceptance and commitment therapy, is one of the therapies that myself and some of my team members use to help our clients to recover from eating disorders. Today, i'm going to talk about an ACT skill called thought defusion. Defusion is one of many skills we might use for helping clients to change their relationship with their thoughts. It's a way to create distance from thoughts when folks are in recovery (so that clients can work towards taking actions in alignment with their true values). Examples of defusion skills for eating disorder thoughts: 1. Next time you notice an eating disorder thought try this exercise: Add the line 'I am having the thought that...' One step further is to say 'I am noticing that i'm having the thought that.' This helps to create seperation so you can start to see your thoughts are just thoughts. Not the truth or something that needs to be acted on-if they are unhelpful and not in alignment with your true values. 2. Labeling unhelpful stories that come up frequently. -You might start to say-ahh this is the 'if I recover from my ED-I won't have any way of coping' story. 3. Create an anaology. -One that I like to use is 'imagine that your eating disorder thoughts are unhelpful TikTok videos. You can click on them, engage with them, and watch the whole way through. Or acknowledge they are there and swipe past. With enough swiping, eventually the whole allgorhym changes.' -You can also start to view eating disorder thoughts as similiar to spam emails or texts. 4. Sing it. -This one won't resonate with everyone, but singing unhelpful thoughts to popular songs or old classics-is another defusion skill. Ultimately, we can use a variety of tools and strategies to help people to learn how to decide if a thought is helpful or unhelpful in terms of getting them in the direction of the life they want (v.s trying to decide if it's 'true' or 'untrue'), practice defusion skills, connect to their true life values-and practice taking committed actions in the directions of those values. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Maryland, Virginia, New York, Washington D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  As parents, it can be difficult to tell what is really behind your teen’s recent desire to lose weight, newfound interest in “healthy” eating, or preoccupation with food. As a therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, Maryland, I have spoken with many parents about “warning signs” that their children were struggling with, which they initially missed. There is no guidebook for how to tell if your child is secretly struggling with anorexia, bulimia, or binge eating disorder. Eating disorders often thrive on secrecy and silence. Many children may be unaware themselves that they are starting to slip into a life-threatening mental illness. The following are some common warning signs that may signify that your teenager is struggling with an eating disorder. 1. Eating rituals or strange eating behaviors. One sign to look out for is if your teen has started to adopt eating rituals or strange eating behaviors. Eating rituals include behaviors such as, cutting food into tiny pieces, arranging food in certain patterns, or constantly measuring food. Other eating rituals could include using the same utensils or only eating foods in a specific order. These rituals could be warning signs of anorexia nervosa and could also be an early sign of binge eating disorder. It is important to note that the presence of rituals alone doesn’t necessary indicate an eating disorder, but is something to consider in the context of the person’s other behaviors and attitudes towards food and their body. 2. Excessive or unusual use of condiments and beverages. Another sign of a potential eating disorder is if your teenager is using condiments/and or beverages in a way that is excessive or strange. For instance, if you notice that your teen is using an excessive amount of mustard, salt, or other spices on their food that would be one red flag that they might be struggling with disordered eating or an eating disorder. Additionally, a warning sign that your teen may be struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating is if they begin abusing beverages, such as diet sodas or coffee in an attempt to feel full. 3. Preoccupation with weight, body size and food. Other warning signs to look out for is if your teen suddenly appears preoccupied with thoughts of their weight, body size, and food. For instance, if your child has an intense fear of weight gain this is one sign that they could be suffering from an eating disorder. Further, if your teen decides that they are dramatically changing their eating habits-it is important to take note and to observe their motivation and the rigidity of their habits. For instance, your teen might suddenly proclaim that they are “not eating carbs,” or have become a vegetarian (with no history of an interest in this from an ethical standpoint). Other red flags could be if they appear to stick to only a few “safe foods,” suddenly exclaim that they 'do not like' numerous foods which they used to enjoy, become fixed on fat content of foods, hoard food, cook elaborate meals for others but do not eat them, or go to the bathroom frequently right after eating. Additionally, if you start to notice that large quantities of food are going missing this would be another important sign to look out for. 4. Isolating themselves from people or becoming less interested in things they previously enjoyed. Another indicator of a teen who may be struggling with an eating disorder is if they become socially withdrawn and start to isolate themselves. It is a warning sign that there may be a deeper problem if your teen no longer desires to socialize and instead is consumed with researching recipes, going to the gym, and/or talking about food, calories, "clean eating," or dieting. When someone is struggling with an eating disorder often their eating disorder becomes their primary relationship and begins to take the place of the real relationships in their life. The Bottom Line If you notice any of these warning signs, and suspect that your teen may be struggling with an eating disorder, it is critical that you reach out to an eating disorder treatment professional. They can assess your child to see whether they are struggling and if so, provide treatment. Eating disorders have the second highest mortality rate of any mental illness and individuals who are struggling need access to evidence-based treatment and support. It is also important to note that you cannot determine whether an individual is struggling with an eating disorder based upon their weight. Eating disorders do not discriminate and those who are struggling may come in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, early intervention is important to regards to helping people to recover from eating disorders. Therefore, the earlier that you can have them evaluated-the better. It is also critical that you approach them with compassion and support-rather than judgment. They are not making the choice to feel and behave this way, but with treatment and support they can recover and go on to lead meaningful and productive lives. Lastly, it’s important that you can be compassionate with yourself. It's not your fault that you may initially have missed the warning signs. Further, parents and families do not cause eating disorders; however, they can be incredible allies and sources of support to their children in recovery. We have immediate openings right now for eating disorder therapy in: Maryland, Virginia, and New York And recovery coaching worldwide. Click this link to schedule a free 15 min consultation. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Virginia, New York, Washington D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania, and California. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C Last night, the fire alarm went off in my building. My husband Mark and I begrudgingly went outside where we learned (as we'd suspected) that some kids had pulled it and everything was totally fine. The fire alarm goes off in our building all of the time and rarely has there ever been any actual danger. If you live with an eating disorder, anxiety, and/or OCD, you might have a faulty over-active alarm system too. Breaking It Down Here's the thing, the anxious part of your brain is doing exactly what it's been designed to do. Back in the stone age, your brain would send alarm signals telling you to 'fight or flight' and these helped us to survive and not get attacked by a bear! However, if you live with an eating disorder, OCD, and/or anxiety, this beautifully engineered protective mechanism is now totally getting in your way and causing you to feel trapped. Your brain is sending you those same 'escape, danger, now!!' signals frequently, around things that aren't actually dangerous. Just like the fire alarm going off in my building all of the time when the building is safe. They may feel incredibly scary and anxiety provoking AND we have to remember that feelings and thoughts are not facts. The power lies in working on how you respond to those unhelpful thoughts. And unlike the fire alarm in my building-you do not need to respond to these false fire alarm signals by engaging in behaviors that are attempts to try to reduce that anxiety: i.e. eating disorder behaviors, compulsions in OCD, or general safety behaviors in an anxiety disorder. Every time you engage in an eating disorder, OCD, or other kind of compulsive behavior-you send the message to your brain that 'the threat' or feared outcome is real. This strengthens the illness and can make your life really small and consumed with anxious thoughts and compulsive behaviors. I know it's not easy to start to challenge these compulsive behaviors. However, eating disorders and OCD are very treatable and professional help is recommended. But what if the feared outcome could actually happen? I can hear the anxiety pushback now, so i'm going to address it. Here's the thing. This may be uncomfortable to think about but the only certainty in life (aside from death and taxes) is uncertainty. No amount of safety behaviors can 'prevent' the feared circumstance from happening. So even if your brain is telling you that 'my feared outcome may happen'-remember that the idea of 'totally controlling what happens in your life" is an illusion anyway. Also, how is engaging in all of these safety seeking behaviors getting in the way of you living a life according to your true values? Part of the work in therapy is strengthening and leaning into your ability to tolerate uncertainty. Additionally, part of eating disorder specific work is learning the function of the eating disorder behaviors, unpacking and unlearning fat-phobia, connecting to true values, and helping clients to heal their relationship with food & body, as well as any underlying layers. The Bottom Line You are not broken, beyond repair, or hopeless-no matter how much you are currently suffering. Eating disorders and co-morbid mental illnesses are very treatable and recovery is 100 percent possible! We have immediate openings right now for eating disorder therapy in: Maryland, Virginia, and New York And recovery coaching worldwide. Click this link to schedule a free 15 min consultation. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Virginia, New York, Washington D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania, and California.
We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com Jonah Hill Asks For The Body Comments to Stop: Why You Should Never Comment on Someone's Weight10/15/2021
 We live in a society where “You look great, have you lost weight?” is unfortunately seen as a normal greeting. Jonah Hill, a film actor who has starred in Superbad, 21 Jump Street, and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, has experienced body shaming throughout his career. He has previously spoken out about the immense harm that this has caused him. The other day he posted on his Instagram, "I know you mean well but I kindly ask that you not comment on my body. Good or bad. I want to politely let you know it's not helpful and doesn't feel good. Much respect." As an eating disorder therapist and founder of The Eating Disorder Center in Rockville, Maryland, I have spoken about the dangers of body comments many times in the media and on Instagram. I applaud Jonah Hill for setting this boundary and I send him so much compassion for all of the body comments he has endured over the years. I truly believe that people often do not intend to hurt others by exclaiming, “You look so thin, that’s awesome,” or “Did you lose weight? How great,” or even, “You got bigger.” In light of that, the following are three reasons why you should never comment on someone’s weight. 1. You cannot tell anything about a person’s health, happiness or life circumstances based on their weight. We live in a society where often weight loss is perceived as “good” and weight gain is seen as “bad.” This fundamental assumption is inherently flawed. Weight loss and gain tells you nothing about a person’s health, happiness, habits, or life circumstances. The person that you are praising for their weight loss could be suffering from a life-threatening eating disorder, cancer, depression, grief, the diet-binge cycle, intense self-hatred, or numerous other issues. The person that you are judging for their weight gain may be happy, healthy, in recovery from an eating disorder, finally letting go of the diet mentality, etc. Being thin is not “good” and being fat is not “bad.” There shouldn’t be this sense of morality surrounding weight. Additionally, our bodies are meant to change throughout our lives. This is part of being a human being and nothing to be ashamed of. All bodies are good bodies, but more importantly people’s worth is not based upon their weight, shape, or health status. 2. Weight-related comments can be highly triggering for people. There are so many examples of how weight-related comments can trigger people. For instance, we know that for those in recovery from an eating disorder, weight-related comments can be incredibly triggering and can serve to fuel their disorder or cause a relapse. It’s also important to note that you cannot tell who has an eating disorder based on their physical appearance. People with eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes. Let’s say that someone has simply lost weight on a diet and you applaud them on their “weight loss.” Since we know that diets have around a 95% “failure” rate when it comes to maintaining weight loss in the long-term, this “praise” will only serve to make them feel worse when they inevitably gain the weight back. This can serve to perpetuate the diet-binge cycle, which has been shown to have highly detrimental effects in regards to people’s health and happiness. 3. It shifts focus away from things that are actually important. I am sometimes struck by how I can be among a group of ambitious successful people who have amazing careers and are raising children, yet the conversation is primarily focused around dieting and weight-related concerns. These are people who have achieved incredible things and yet they are choosing to focus on something so trivial and meaningless. I do not blame them, as this is largely a cultural and societal issue. Unfortunately, anti fat bias is prevalent in our society (alongside other systems of oppression). Body image issues and diet-culture impact people of all genders. It's important to note that a focus on these issues often keeps us from “playing big” in other areas of our lives. Additionally, It’s sad to me that people will approach someone that they haven’t seen in a long time and the first comment that they think to make is about the individual’s weight. What if instead you asked them about their passions, their relationships, and how they are doing in general? There are so many more important and interesting things to focus on than a person’s weight or eating habits. What to Say if Someone Comments on Your Weight The following are some simple suggestions for what you can say if someone comments on your weight. “You look great! Did you lose weight?” - I choose not to focus on my weight. There are so many more interesting things about me. - No clue. I don’t weigh myself. So how has your family been? - I feel great and that’s all that matters. - Nope. I just look and feel great. - That question honestly makes me pretty uncomfortable, as I try not to focus on my weight as a barometer of my worth. “Have you gained weight since I last saw you?” - I’m happy, thanks for noticing. - Is weight something that you focus on? - No clue. I don’t tie my self-worth to a number on a scale. - I’m trying not to focus on my weight, so I’d rather you not comment on it. - Yep! (with a smile). - I don’t think that’s an appropriate question. My body is nobody else’s business. Ultimately, your worth and your value do not come from your appearance, the number on a scale, or your body. Your value lies in the kindness that you extend to others, the spark in your eyes when you laugh, the way that you pursue your passions, and your relationships. You are enough, just as you are. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in Washington D.C., Florida, Pennsylvania, New York, and California. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com By Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LCSW-C  In my opinion, connection is one of the main reasons that we are here. We are hard-wired to want to connect with others, as back in the day our survival often hinged on traveling in groups. Plus, as infants we relied on our caregivers in order to get our basic needs met. Connection, relationships, and a sense of belonging, are natural and hard-wired human needs. My Eating Disorder Days When I was struggling with an eating disorder, I had other relationships. I had a boyfriend, friends, and family members who I spent time with. The problem was, I wasn’t 100 percent there. And as my illness progressed-I wasn’t even 50% present in my relationships. Out to dinner with my boyfriend, my mind was racing about calories, fat content, and anxiety about gaining weight. I couldn’t tell you conversations that we had or even ‘fun’ memories that were made because they were all so colored by the misery that is living with an eating disorder. My brain was consumed with constant thoughts of food, weight, exercise, and my body-there wasn't room for much else. Eventually, spending time with people became less frequent. People often wanted to get together around food and not feeling ‘in control’ of what would be served (by putting my safe foods together myself) threw me into a panic. My eating disorder began to isolate me from other people, while at the same time promising that it was my ‘friend’ and would provide me ‘comfort.’ Sure, it gave me a false sense of security in the short term-but in the long term it made me increasingly anxious, depressed, and isolated. One of the many devastating things about eating disorders is that they can cause increased disconnection and isolation. My Relationships Now This past year or so has been a tough year when it comes to connection. The pandemic and social isolation has been tough for many-and I definitely missed the in-person connection. That being sad, my relationships are completely different now because I am actually able to be present for them. I have wonderful memories of trips that I’ve gone on with my fiancé, lunches and dinners with friends, and quality time spent with family. I have so much more brain space, my memories are no longer tainted by an eating disorder, and I am able to be much more present in my relationships. Journal Questions: 1.What qualities are important to you in a relationship i.e. friendship/significant other etc? 2.Think of one person in your life (past or present) who you are grateful for. Explain why. 3.Thinking about the relationships in your life-do you long to have more relationships or deeper relationships? If so, how might that benefit you? 4.If you are in recovery, does your eating disorder impact your relationships? How so? 5.Think of 2 people who you could reach out to and connect with and make a plan to do so within the next week (a text asking them how they are doing counts!) 6.Think of 1 recovery goal that you could set, which could have the side benefit of improving your relationships i.e. challenging yourself. to go to lunch with a friend. We have immediate openings right now for eating disorder therapy in: Maryland, Virginia, and New York And recovery coaching worldwide. Click this link to schedule a free 15 min consultation. The Eating Disorder Center is a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center founded by Jennifer Rollin. We specialize in helping teens and adults struggling with anorexia, binge eating disorder, bulimia, OSFED, and body image issues. We provide eating disorder therapy in Rockville, MD, easily accessible to individuals in Potomac, North Potomac, Bethesda, Olney, Silver Spring, Germantown, and Washington D.C. We also provide eating disorder therapy in Arlington, Virginia and virtually throughout Virginia. Additionally, we offer eating disorder therapy virtually in New York (NYC), Florida, Pennsylvania, and California, serving those in cities including Palo Alto, San Francisco, Newport Beach, Los Angeles, Woodland Hills, San Jose, and Beverly Hills. We provide eating disorder recovery coaching via Zoom to people worldwide. Connect with us through our website at www.theeatingdisordercenter.com |
The Eating Disorder CenterWe are a premier outpatient eating disorder therapy center in Rockville, Maryland. Archives
November 2022
Categories |
RSS Feed